


Blinded by Beautiful Lies (Full Version)

by almondchocolate



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Australia, F/M, Family, Hawkmoth Defeat, High School, Horse Miraculous, I'm Sorry, Original Character(s), Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Post-Reveal Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir/Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug, Self-Acceptance, Self-Esteem Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-19
Updated: 2020-11-24
Packaged: 2021-03-08 01:00:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 23,142
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26536948
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/almondchocolate/pseuds/almondchocolate
Summary: Lila Rossi's lies are exposed and Marinette is revealed to be Ladybug. From there, everything changes for Alya.Everything changes a lot.
Relationships: Alya Césaire/Nino Lahiffe
Comments: 59
Kudos: 176





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is the full version of my original post Blinded by Beautiful Lies. It is going to be a little different and will include OCs. I know! I know! Please don't hurt me! I don't normally like OCs either but the plot kind of demanded them. Stupid plot.

Alya felt numb. She had felt numb for days, watching as the the world passed her by. The past month had felt like some sort of twisted out of body experience, like she was watching someone else go through the motions, instead of doing them herself. 

Everything had happened so quickly. The akuma, Verdias, had arrived and revealed everyone’s truths on live television. It was the most powerful akuma ever made and it had been Rose, of all people. She had apparently found out that Lila Rossi was a liar and in her akuma form exposed everyone. 

She exposed that Alya sometimes fudged evidence on her blog, that Kim was gay, that Adrien Agreste was Chat Noir, and that Lila had lied. About everything. Lila had even threatened Marinette. 

Marinette.

She had also revealed that Marinette was Ladybug. 

When Alya heard that, everything went numb. She could vaguely remember hearing screaming and crying from disbelief, but those sounds may have been coming from her. 

Ladybug’s identity being exposed on live television wasn’t a problem though, because Verdias was so strong that she revealed Hawkmoth's identity too. It was the greatest failed plan the world had ever seen  
Gabriel Agreste was immediately apprehended (without the help of Rena Rouge, obviously), and the peacock and butterfly miraculous had been restored to the guardian. 

None of this registered with Alya. Everything was happening too fast for her to register anything. 

All she knew right now was that she was on a plane. 

It had been a month since Verdias, and Marinette and Adrien’s lives had been thoroughly investigated by the media, bringing some nasty things to light. The now famously termed “Rossi Scandal” put Alya in a negative, and rightfully deserved position. 

She hadn’t been expecting the attacks though. Some of Ladybug’s hardcore fans had gone too far. She had the scars to prove it. She looked down at her arm that was bandaged and physically stopped herself from reliving the memory. She may have felt numb, but that didn’t stop this past month from being anything short of traumatic.

She looked out the plane window as she heard the soft sounds of her family talking around her. They weren’t talking to her. No. It was her fault that they had to move to Australia. That they had to relocate their entire lives because Alya had made some stupid decisions. Because Alya had accused, isolated, and invalidated a superhero.

She looked out the plane window and watched as the clouds moved beneath her. As she flew farther away from everything that she had ever known.

She looked out the plane window and felt briefly insulted. It felt unfair for the world to keep on turning when hers had crumbled.

***

The house was nice, at least. Alya had her own room that was spacious enough. It would hold all her belongings. The twins room was downstairs as well as her parents. The set up almost reminded her of Marinette’s house. Nevermind, it hurt to even think of her name. 

Nora had gotten her own apartment and stayed in Paris. She told Alya that she forgave her before leaving them at the airport. Alya wished that she could believe her. 

Alya’s mom had gotten a job at a gourmet kitchen in Melbourne, and was doing well, it seemed. The restaurant wasn’t as nice le Grand Paris, but. That couldn’t be helped.

Like it hurt to think Marinette’s name, it hurt to look at her dad. Her dad had had to leave behind all of his precious animals to relocate. He was looking into applying for local reserves and such, but it wouldn’t be the same. They would never be his animals. Alya was glad she felt numb. For if she had been allowed to feel all the range of emotions that this situation brought, she wouldn’t have believed the words suffocating guilt to be strong enough. Or self-loathing. Ah, the self-loathing.

After a week of unpacking, Alya’s mother finally approached her regarding school. “Alya,” she began. “We found a nice highschool nearby where you can finish out your year. I’ve already registered you for classes. We’ll have you start on Monday.”

Alya looked down at the schedule her mother had handed her. Leaflin Highschool. Wonderful. She glanced over her schedule and saw advanced journalism as one of her electives. “What is this?” she asked, incredulous.

“It’s a journalism class. I thought that’s something that you would like.”

“Why would you think that? Why would you think that I could ever do well in a class like that? Don’t you know what I’ve done!”

Her mother looked surprised. “Alya, sweetie. You made a really bad mistake, but I know that you feel bad about it and won’t let it happen again. You made some bad decisions, yet that doesn’t mean that you should give up on your dreams.” This was one of the first times in weeks her mother had directly alluded to the Rossi Scandal. Alya felt some of her numbness ebb away.

“No mom, you don’t understand! How could you? I can’t be a journalist because I’m stupid. Because I’m easily manipulated, because I’m a bully, and because I’m practically a supervillain! I can’t be trusted with information. I’m stupid mother! You have to understand that!”

Her mother looked near tears. “Alya.” she said, her voice soft. “You are not stupid. You are just a kid. Kids make mistakes.”

Alya felt herself growing wild. “If you think that I’m anything more than a truly wicked human being, than you are more stupid than I,” she spat, then turned and walked back up to her room, tears streaming down her face. 

She had betrayed her best friend. She had slandered her idol. She had made a mockery of everything she stood for. Over the past month, Alya had determined that she was worse than Lila. Lila had hurt and used people that she thought of as objects. Alya had hurt and used people she thought of as friends. 

Lila was a sociopath. 

Alya was a monster.

***

Leaflin highschool was like any other highschool, as far as Alya knew, and her first day went smoothly. Her teachers were kind and provided her with all the work she needed, her english was passable for her environment, and the school had graciously allowed her to transfer her credits from France under some foreign exchange policy they had. 

Academically, her first day went smoothly. Socially, it did not. The identity reveal of Ladybug and Chat Noir coupled with the Rossi Scandal was a big enough story to make international news. The entire concept of superheroes and magic was enough to capture the world’s attention, and the fact that their wonderful hero and leader was an emotionally abused teenager was enough to make Alya’s face recognizable if one kept up with current events. Apparently, Leaflin highschool prided themselves on keeping up with current events.

In Paris, Alya had been tripped, cornered, verbally attacked, and severely cyberbullied to the point where she had to delete all of her internet accounts. There was also, of course, the incident that led to the bandages all along her arm, but most of her days Alya liked to pretend that never happened. 

At Leaflin, her abuses weren’t quite as extreme. Instead, from the very first moment she stepped on campus, there were whispers. There were people who tripped her, avoided her in the hallway, and by lunch she had found several hurtful notes in her locker. It was the first day. At least it was safer than Paris.

The thing was, Alya couldn’t bring herself to feel angry or hurt by any of this. She deserved it. In fact, she got some sort of twisted satisfaction from all of this. It felt like justice. Alya needed justice.

Alya was walking out of school towards her bicycle when she saw a group of boys approach her. “Hey, you’re the Ladyblogger, right?” asked their leader.

Alya nodded. There was no point in lying. 

His expression soured. “We don’t like bullies in this school, alright? You try and repeat what you did in France, and we’ll kick your a** back where it belongs. Do you understand?” Alya only nodded again. 

The boy looked her over once more, and, seemingly satisfied with her submissiveness, walked past her. As the last boy walked by her, he pushed her over. Her bare knees slid on the black asphalt, and she could tell without looking that they would bleed and bruise. 

It was inconvenient that her things were scattered, yet she noticed with surprise that there was a pair of hands gathering her stuff.

She examined the person, and saw a small girl with short black hair and round blue eyes quietly gathering all of her things into a neat pile that she handed back to her.

Alya was skeptical. “Why are you helping me?” she asked, wondering if this girl didn’t know who she was.

The girl shrugged. “The way I see it, you’re a human first. Pay no mind to Liam there, he’s the leader. He’s actually a really nice guy, he’s just fiercely protective of our school’s mental health and such. It’s admirable really, but the irony of what his gang just did isn’t lost on me. My name’s Katie, by the way. It’s nice to meet you.”

Alya looked the girl up and down, surprised at her friendly demeanor. “Thank you for helping me, Katie. I really must be going though.” She took her things and walked off, not waiting for a response. Alya wasn’t in the mood to make friends. The way she saw it, she never wanted to hurt people again. Apathy felt like the best route to take. 

As she walked back home, she felt some of that familiar numbness surround her once more.

***

Nino. The name stung. It hurt in a different way than the names of others did, but it stung all the same. After everything was out on the table, Nino had told her that he was disappointed, but that things wouldn’t change between them. They had talked the day before she flew off to Australia.

“I’m just as guilty as you are.” He had said. Alya had wanted to laugh.

“Don’t try and make me feel better. You know full well that what I did was worse.”

He had shrugged. “Maybe. No matter who was worse though, you are still a good person who was only trying to do what was right. You made some crummy mistakes, but I forgive you.”

Alya had sighed. “People keep saying that but I find it unbelievable. If you think you can forgive me then you must be misinformed. And you know how I feel about misinformation.” her voice had gotten shaky at this point.

“I know one thing for sure, absolutely certain. I love you, Alya.”

“I don’t”

His expression grew hurt, “What?”

She shook her head. “Not you, I just, I don’t love myself. Do you know what I said to her Nino? Do you know what I did? You don’t even know the worst of it.”

He shrugged again, infuriatingly calm in a way that used to relax her, but now set her on edge. “Then tell me.”

She shuddered. “The day I tell you, will be the day I die. You don’t want to know.”

“I’ll love you all the same.”

She had heard that, and then she had left. Things were... she was… It was too much for her. She was glad to move away to Australia. Glad to move away from Nino and his patient declarations of love. She didn’t deserve him. He needed someone better. If she loved him, she had to let him go.

***

Alya woke up in the morning thinking about Nino, and cried. She sat in her bed at 3am in the morning and sobbed her heart out, her face becoming red with tears, her voice raw, and her hair all matted and tangled from the way she’d been pulling at it. 

She had been waking up at irregular hours during the night ever since they’d moved. It wasn’t her bed, the sounds of the city didn’t surround her, and her own night terrors that had the unfortunate trait of being memories made her sleep schedule erratic. Normally when she woke up, she wouldn’t try to go back to sleep. She’d bundle herself in her blankets, and stare out her window into the night sky. Her mind wandering yet blank, as if she was frozen in time until the sun rose. It was in those quiet hours of the morning that she hurt the least. That her apathy and numbness was strongest, and that she was farthest removed from all of her anger and sadness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! This is probably going to take me a while to write so bear with me. Also, please share any suggestions or ideas you have in the comments, I would love to hear them. I know how things are going to end, roughly, but any advice would be so very welcome.  
> Anyways (again),
> 
> Thanks for reading :)


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alya talks to Nino and participates in a class debate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! This is chapter two! Normally I won't post two days in a row but I wanted to get this chapter out there! Enjoy!

School had become routine for Alya. The classes were focused on a different curriculum than France, but they were similar enough that she was able to do well with the help of google and YouTube. After her first day, she began to notice Katie and Liam around school more. She had Literature with both of them. She made a point of ignoring them. She wasn’t looking for enemies or for friends.

Her ignoring tactics though, were of little to no avail for her literature teacher, Mrs. Smith, believed firmly in the concept of debate, claiming that it “stimulated intellectual thought and made for more dynamic essays”. There was a time when Alya would’ve been excited to have such a teacher. However, the topic up for debate was whether or not magic, as displayed in France, was a benefit to human society. When Mrs. Smith announced this, Alya felt most of the class’ eyes turn to her. Alya had the vague feeling that Mrs. Smith made this the topic simply to watch Alya struggle and suffer. Normally Alya would’ve been glad to suffer, but she didn’t like to be manipulated into doing things for others amusement. That wasn’t fair to her.

Mrs. Smith divided the class into the two sides. Alya and Katie were both on the pro-magic side, while Liam was on the other. Alya didn’t know anyone else in the class. They were sent into their groups to start assigning leadership roles and dividing up research. She quietly got in their circle and didn’t say a word as Katie began telling people what to research. She intentionally ignored Katie’s sidelong glances at her. They were all aware that Alya was the expert on all things miraculous. That didn’t mean she wanted to talk about it.

One by one her peers began mentioning different aspects of miraculous magic they would research. Alya could barely hear them over the pounding in her own ears. Her breathing was becoming labored and she could feel tears pricking the back of her eyes. Her mind was racing with memories as different words triggered past interactions. “I’ll take the effect Ladybug had on press,”

“ _Of course Ladybug is my best friend, why don’t you believe me, Marinette?” said Lila, her voice dripping with hurt._

_“Yeah girl, how could you say something so mean? It’s like I don’t even know you anymore.”_

_Marinette’s face crumpled at the words, and sullenly walked to the back of the classroom. The back, where she had been banished by…_

The memory was cut off as someone in the present said, “Ooh, I’ll mention how it allowed Adrien...

“ _Adrien is my boyfriend, that’s why I touch him like that. He seems uncomfortable only because Kagami and Marinette have been so nasty to him about him dating me and he’s afraid that he’s putting me at risk by publicly displaying his affection.”_

_Alya gasped. “That is so not cool. I’ll have to talk to Marinette about that.”_

_Lila smiled, “I don’t want to be of any trouble… but it would be nice to kiss my boyfriend without him flinching.”_

_Alya had smirked. SMIRKED! “No worries, girl. I got your back.”_

More memories came and left, and Alya’s heart was pounding. Why had she said those things? Why had she allowed herself to be so easily manipulated? Ladybug had been right there. The best friend she could ever have had been right there. Why was she such a failure? Why was she so mean? Why was she so stupid? “I’m a monster” she whispered, her breath short as she was now fully crying and shaking.

“Are you okay?” It was Katie. “You look like you’re having a panic attack.”

Panic attack.

That sounded about right. “Excuse me,” said Alya, stumbling out of the classroom and to the bathroom. It was blessedly empty as she splashed water onto her face, trying to get the shaking to go away. As she began to calm down, forcing herself to breathe, she took a look at herself in the mirror. Her long auburn hair was in a messy ponytail that fell into her face, her eyes had dark bags beneath them, her skin was a blotchy red from all her crying, and her clothes hung loosely off her body.

Alya took a couple more deep, steadying breaths. She wouldn’t let Lila control her feelings even when they were thousands of miles apart. She resolved to return to the classroom, and do well in this debate. This didn’t need to be about her, it could be about the positive effects of magic. She could have a debate in literature without losing her mind. She needed to remember apathy.

The numbness would protect her.

***

Alya didn’t return to class. She waited in the bathroom until the bell rang and didn’t leave until she was sure the classroom was cleared out before gathering her things. She didn’t want to talk to people. She didn’t want to see them. She didn’t want to remember.

As she rode home on her bicycle, stray hairs stinging her face as she squinted through her swollen eyes, she felt her phone buzz as a familiar ring tone entered her ears. It was one of Jagged Stone’s singles that she and Nino had seen in concert on one of their first dates. It had been their song ever since and hearing it now made Alya’s heart go weak. She had resolved to ignore Nino, she really had. But she really wanted to hear his voice, to know that she had been kind to someone during her time in Paris. She wanted to talk to him and pretend that everything was okay. That she was okay. She accepted his call.

“Hi,” she said, her voice weak.

“Alya? Oh thank God you finally answered. Are you okay? How’s Australia? How was your flight? Is everything okay?”

She smiled. It was surprisingly nice to be fussed over. “I’m good, Nino.”

“Wait, have you been crying? Oh, babe. What is it?”

Alya shrugged, then realized he couldn’t see her as she pressed her phone between her head and shoulder and continued to pedal home. “It’s nothing, Nino. Can we not talk about it?”

He hesitated. “Of course, we don’t need to talk about it right now. We will talk though, you understand? Now that I know you’re still alive I’m not letting a day pass without calling you.”

Alya smiled to herself. She wanted to tell him no, that she was going to let him find someone better, but she was selfish. She was so very, very, selfish and she wanted to keep him. Even if she didn’t deserve it. “Okay.” she said.

“Okay? Okay! Great! Now tell me, how’s summer in February?”

Alya laughed, wiping a thin layer of sweat off her forehead. “It’s nice I guess. It’s really hot when I have to bike home. It’s mostly just really weird though. I feel like it’s some cosmic sin to not have to trudge home while bundled up in layers of jackets and scarves.”

Nino laughed. “Well, I would gladly commit that sin to have summer right now. It is so cold.” There was a beat of silence. “Have you started school?”

“Yeah, I started last week.”

“Nice.” another beat of silence. “Have you made any friends?”

Alya sighed. “Nino, everyone here recognizes my face from the news, and… I mean there's this one girl who’s been trying to be nice to me but… I’m not interested in making friends right now, can you understand that? I just… I don’t have the best track record of being a good friend and no one needs all my emotional baggage.”

“I can understand that. You have no idea what these past few weeks have been like with Mari. I feel… so awful. I can’t even describe it. You know what I mean.”

“I do. Probably too well.”

“See, that’s just it Alya! I’m the exception to your no friends rule because I’m dealing with the same ‘emotional baggage’ that you are, okay? And Mari is upset with me too, and my best friends were superheroes too, and like, this is driving me crazy too and my emotions are all over the place. I guess what I’m trying to say is, we are in this together even though we may be on separate continents. Don’t ghost me again. Please.” his voice was soft, as if worn by weeks of exhaustion and worry.

Alya suddenly felt bad for ignoring him. She may find herself insufferable, but it wasn’t fair for her to make Nino worry in the name of protecting him. “I’m sorry. I won’t ignore you again. Can you forgive me?”

“I forgive you.” this time, Alya believed him. “Hey, I have to go now, I’m going with Adrien to his dad’s trial today.”

Alya gasped, “Oh, I forgot that started today. Tell me how it goes, yeah?”

“Yeah. Bye babe.”

“Bye.” she hung up and continued to ride home, feeling better than she had that morning.

***

When Friday came, Alya felt much more prepared than she thought she would be. True to his word, Nino had called her every day and they talked and texted for hours. Nino had mentioned several times how concerned he was for her in her new school, and had begged her to make friends. If only for him. Alya had said she would consider it.

The trial of Gabriel Agreste had been all over the news and would continue for a couple of weeks, the prosecution was still just trying to figure out everything that Gabriel had done. Alya had heard from Nino that Adrien was called as a witness, both as Chat Noir and as Gabriel’s son. The truth had not been pretty.

“You should’ve been there, Als,” said Nino after the second day at trial. “Adrien was white as a ghost but he told everything with this blank expression. It was probably the scariest thing I’ve ever seen. And the crowds that were waiting outside the building… Man is he lucky that he was Chat Noir or else they would’ve eaten him alive simply for having the last name Agreste.”

“Send him my love, okay?”

“Of course, good luck on your debate today.”

“Thanks.”

Now, Alya was in her final period Literature class, pages of notes clutched in her hands as she nervously watched the class divide into its two sides. To make sure that everyone was equally prepared, Mrs. Smith had decided that she would decide it’s team’s captain and co-captain the day of the debate. The whole class held their breath as the names were drawn. “Liam Smoke as captain for anti-magic,” said Mrs. Smith dramatically, “and Brian Dawson as his co-captain. Now for pro-magic, Katie Autumn as captain, and Alya Cesaire as her co.” Alya felt her stomach drop at the mention of her name. It was just her luck.

“Mr. Smoke, why don’t you start us off.” said Mrs. Smith.

Liam stepped forward in front of the class. “Hello everyone, today I am going to be making the argument that magic is harmful to human society and that we would all be better off without it. The obvious reason being, of course, HawkMoth. World famous fashion designer Gabriel Agreste was able to use the power of the miraculous to terrorize a city for years. He took advantage of the emotions of innocent civilians, and turned them into his magical puppets. Needless to say, this caused severe emotional disrepair and paranoia, especially among the affected victims, and the two teenagers enlisted to fight him.” he looked sharply at Alya at this point, “Aside from that, characters like Hawkmoth and even past leaders of human society have proven that immense power will be pursued at all costs. Aside from the immediate damage done to Paris, there is now a complex layer of political tension between France and other countries, for they know that within France’s borders there is the possibility to grant any wish. Anything. And there’s no way to prevent it from happening. This only adds another chaotic and unpredictable threat to an already shaky political landscape. My team will now provide the evidence we found.” Liam turned the attention over to Brian, who recited off statistics of mental health in Paris, tourism rates, and the recent facts that had come to light in Gabriel’s trial.

Alya focused on her breathing the whole time.

When Brian and a few others from their side were done presenting their research, Mrs. Smith was practically beaming. “Well said, all! That was a lovely argument. Ms. Autumn, your response?”

Katie smiled nervously and walked in front of the class. She looked so small and timid up there, not nearly having the confidence and presence that Liam did. This surprised Alya. She had been so brave approaching her the past few weeks. She was probably afraid of public speaking. “Hi everyone! I’m, um, I’m Katie and I think, uh, well, know, that magic is good for human society. It’s, uh, well it allows for a greater diversity of, um, and history. And, well…” she drifted off, her eyes trained on the floor and her whole body shaking.

“Ms. Autumn?” asked Mrs. Smith. Katie remained frozen, lookin completely terrified. “Alright then. Ms. Cesaire, would you mind continuing her argument?” Mrs. Smith’s expression seemed sickly amused with this.

Alya took a deep breath in, and then a deep breath out. She remembered Nino’s voice in her head, comforting this past week. She steeled herself. She was going to nail this presentation and wipe the smug smile off Mrs. Smith’s face.

Recalling some of that inner strength that had used to make her such a good reporter, Alya marched up to the front of the classroom and gently gestured for Katie to sit down. “Hi everyone, my name is Alya Cesaire and I would like to make the argument that the magic of the miraculous is good for human society.” she glanced down briefly at her notes, then set them aside. She didn’t need them. “First off, I want to say that Ladybug herself has confirmed that these miraculous are thousands of years old. Whether we’ve known it or not, magic has been influencing our history and cultures since humans first learned what a society was. These abilities are by no means new, and thus, shouldn’t be treated as such. In regards to militarist values or corruption, I would like to make clear that the miraculous are in no ways a weapon more than they are a tool. Mr. Smoke referenced that they could be a tool of mass destruction, for they can grant anyone one wish, but that can go both ways. Unlike nuclear weapons or past tos of war, magic presents the unique opportunity of giving life. What if someone wished for an end to world hunger? To the end of all war? To the end of systemic racism? Imagine how much that would improve life for millions around the globe. Magic has the potential for evil, sure, but it also has an equal potential for good. In a more recent example, magic has improved the life of Paris. The knowledge that, in addition to the police force, there were two magically enhanced beings looking out for their best interests was a huge comfort to most of the Parisian population. Ladybug and Chat Noir have announced that, despite the defeat of Hawkmoth, they are going to continue to assist Parisian police in apprehending criminals and in assisting with civilian safety whenever possible. With magically enhanced forces for good, contemporary crime will go down significantly. There are so, so many other benefits to having magic, and my team will now provide with some of those reasons, along with the evidence we collected.” Her team then went on to go over all of their data and extra reasons, while Alya took her seat and tried to steady her breathing. It had been a while since she had talked passionately about something. It felt a little something like her old self.

The debate went on, the other side giving their rebuttal, then Katie stuttering through theirs.

Alya could hardly pay attention, her ears were ringing with adrenaline and she couldn't notice anything until she finally registered that it was time for closing remarks. Again, Liam went first.

“The pro-magic side has presented some interesting points, but I remain resolutely convinced that magic provides more of a threat than it does a comfort. My team mentioned Chat Noir’s cataclysm as a serious concern, and I agree with that. A teenage boy, as chosen as he may be, should not have the power to topple buildings with the touch of his hand. That is an unnecessary danger to the people he has promised to protect, and Paris can’t even have a guarantee that that power will always remain with someone so kind hearted. This however, isn’t even the biggest of my concerns. My greatest resentment of magic comes from Hawkmoth.

The powers of his miraculous allowed him the ability to take advantage of others, and use their feelings against them. The result? An entire society in which people are afraid to feel. They are afraid to be angry, to cry, to grieve. Can you imagine having something terrible happen to you, then being forced to accept it because if you don’t you become a threat to all of your loved ones? No matter how you frame it, this is toxic. It simply is. Take Ladybug for example, she was extremely bullied at school and physically threatened, but she didn’t ask for help because she put the safety of Paris over her own mental health.” He looked pointedly at Alya here, and Alya could feel her breathing getting shallow. “Humans have emotions so we can use and express them. Bottling them up so that a man in a purple jumpsuit won’t make you hurt your friends and family is a ridiculous yet terrible reality. With all the stereotypes and perceptions of today’s world, it’s already hard enough to openly talk about one’s feelings, this makes it nearly impossible. In the end, magic is bad for humans because our mental health is important. And that fact, is inarguable.” Liam sat down to the thunderous applause of his teammates.

Katie turned to Alya, her face still pale from having to talk earlier. “Would you do it?” she asked weakly. Alya nodded and walked again to the front of the class. The mention of Ladybug rattled her, but she easily pushed those emotions aside. Hawkmoth had taught her something after all.

“Thank you, Liam, for your excellent points. I agree with you. Mental health is important, and what Hawkmoth did is inexcusable, toxic, and was a harsh reality to live in. However, again, the powers of Hawkmoth’s miraculous go both ways. Ladybug herself shared that the butterfly miraculous has always been intended to make champions of sorts, to empower positive emotions to make positive change. In the right hands, a butterfly wielder could create a champion with an affinity for agriculture who could then feed thousands of people. Or maybe a champion that could make a pure source of sustainable energy. Or what if there was a champion that specialized in medical research? We could enhance someone’s own skill and talent to discover cures for chronic disease. The possibilities are endless. As for Chat Noir, what if he cataclysmed the trash in landfills, helping better serve the environment? Again, nothing with magic is inherently bad, and can be used to create so, so much good. Every miraculous provides its user with limitless possibilities to change the world. This change may be scary, but it can also save millions of lives, improve the quality of life for so many, and radically improve our understanding of the world around us. Magic is a risk, but it’s a risk humans have been handling for all of our history, and if we can understand it and put it in the right hands, it can change our present world to make our history a bright point for future generations. Thank you.” Alya sat down to the applause of her own team.

The debate had run long and the bell rang causing students to stream out the door before any comments could be made. The only people left in the room were Katie, Liam, Mrs. Smith, and herself.

Liam approached her and shook her hand, then Katie’s too. “Well done. It was an honor to debate with you both.” he then turned on his heel and left, leaving Alya shocked at his change in attitude. Maybe her speeches today had won him over.

“You were amazing!” squealed Katie from beside her. “I totally lost it seeing everyone, but you totally saved the day. I mean, I shouldn’t expect anything less from a famous blogger, but wow! I’m so impressed!” Alya winced, Katie’s eager blue eyes reminding her too much of Marinette.

“Thank you. I really have to go home now, you did good too.”

Katie nodded. “Of course, don’t let me make you late. See you Monday!” and with another cheery smile Katie left the room, looking much better than her pale self from earlier.

Alya left the room close behind her, not wanting to be alone with Ms. Smith. She called Nino as she rode home, as had become their routine, and felt herself grow emotionally tired the more time had passed since school. Becoming passionate about something and engaging in lively debate, well, it wasn’t exactly being numb. Thinking about Ladybug made her heart hurt and her body sag with exhaustion. By the time she was back home, she was more than ready to crawl into bed and sleep until the weekend was over.

When she walked inside the house she expected it to be empty. The twins didn’t get released for another hour and a half and both of her parents should’ve been at work. She was wrong. Her mother sat in a chair in the living room, quietly reading a book. When she saw Alya walk in, she sat it down and gave her her full attention.

“Hello Alya, how was school?” she asked gently, motherly concern clearly written on her face.

“It was fine. Why are you home so early?”

“The restaurant is getting renovations this weekend so I have tonight off. Silly of them to renovate on a Friday evening if you ask me, but, of course, no one did.”

Alya grimaced at this. Another painful reminder that she had ripped her mother away from a job where she had been respected and obeyed.

“I’m actually pretty tired, so I was going to go take a nap in my room.”

Her mom nodded. “Oh, yes! Of course, don’t let me stop you. I.. just…” she looked like she was struggling with what to say. “Are you okay? Was school alright today?”

“Yeah. School was alright today.” She wasn’t sure about her being okay, for she was still struggling to see herself as anything other than a monster, but school had been alright. She smiled at the thought. Maybe over time, she would learn to be alright too. And with that thought, she went upstairs to her room and fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey y'all! So I kind of went off on that debate and this is actually the shortened version of it :]. I don't know. The whole concept that they were debating was really interesting to me but I'm sorry if it went on to long for your sensibilities. I also can't remember the name of Alya's mom so please feel free to tell me or reccomend a name for her. Also, any suggestions, ideas or critiques are welcome and I would love to hear them!  
> Anyways,
> 
> Thanks for reading:)


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alya talks to Nora, Katie, Nino, and an unexpected visitor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! Thank you for all of you lovely comments and suggestions! This chapter is... how do I put it? Um, it's not my favorite. I actually wrote it out several times and this was the version I hated the least. 
> 
> Now with that glowing recommendation, enjoy!

Alya sat in her room, working on her homework when she felt her phone buzz beside her. It was Nora. Alya didn’t know if she wanted to respond, and took so long to decide that it went to voicemail. She sighed in relief until her phone began vibrating again. Alya answered this time. “Hello.” she said.

“Do you have any friends at your new school?” came Nora’s response. She had always been direct. Alya was used to it though.

“Not really.”

“And why’s that?”

“I don’t feel ready to make friends. I still have all of these… feelings inside of me and I don’t think they will make me a good fit for anyone.”

“That’s a pathetic excuse.”

Alya sighed. “Nora…”

“No, Alya. Listen to me. Mom called me the other day and told me how worried she was about you. This whole situation isn’t easy, I understand that, and you’re struggling. But listen kid, you aren’t going to make anything better by wallowing in your self pity. Tell me, what have you done to improve?” This was a common question with Nora.

“I’ve been calling Nino?” offered Alya.

“That’s good, but what have you done to make anything better? You made a mistake, obviously, but what have you done to fix it? What have you done with all of those feelings inside of you.”

Alya blanched, suddenly realizing that she had never said sorry to Marinette. She hadn’t really had the chance, but... Alya felt herself beginning to swell with tears. “No..nothing Nora. I’ve done nothing. God, if I’m not the most useless thing to ever…”

“Stop. I don’t want to hear it. After I hang up, I want you to decide on something that you are going to do to deal with all of your feelings, do you understand? Talking to Nino is great, but one person can’t be responsible for your emotional stability. Got it?

“Got it,” said Alya miserably.

“Good, now stop making mom worry so much. She can’t take it. I have to go to work now, but I’ll call you later. Okay?”

“Okay,” said Alya, and Nora hung up. Alya sat there for a long moment, not doing anything. Just... thinking. She couldn’t believe that she had yet to apologize to Marinette. Finally settling on what to do, she pulled out her laptop and began writing. “Dear, Marinette.” she wrote most of a letter before deciding that it wasn’t enough. No. She needed to be honest, excruciatingly honest. That was the only thing that would help her get a handle on her emotions. She began furiously typing out her story. Everything that had happened with Ladybug, Marinette, the akumas, and Lila. Her homework was long forgotten as she began detailing all of her mistakes and failures, putting them on paper so that way when she needed to learn from her past she could read this document instead of listening to the voices echoing in her head that chanted them over and over. She typed until late that night, when her eyes were blurry from staring at a screen too long and her mind and heart were exhausted from reliving through so much. She hadn’t even recorded most of what had happened yet too. Sighing, Alya climbed into her bed and shut her eyes. She could finish it later.

***

Alya spent every spare moment working on her record, or book, if you could call it. It was therapeutic, writing it all down and explaining things, and she couldn’t stop. She even began to bring her laptop to school and write on it there. That was probably really risky, seeing how other students still liked to mess with her stuff and leave nasty notes, but it was a risk she was willing to take.

Alya was obsessed with evidence. She wanted to have evidence to prove anything that she believed. Alya wished she could say this was a byproduct of wanting to be a reporter, but she knew it was because of the Rossi Scandal. Anyways, writing down what she did, what she thought, it felt like evidence. Evidence that she really was a terrible friend and that she deserved her self-imposed isolation.

Sometimes, Alya would wonder if this was what Nora had intended when talking to her.

Alya was typing away during independent working time in literature when Katie finally addressed what she was doing. “What are you working on?” asked Katie.

“Nothing.”

“Sure,” said Katie, laughing. “I totally believe that. Will you please tell me? We’re friends now, right?” this caused Alya to stop typing.

Over the past week she and Katie had talked during class sometimes, and Alya had been less cold to her. She hadn’t realized Katie had such low standards to declare someone a friend. “We are tentative friends.” said Alya.

Katie grinned. “Tentative friends. Right. Anyways, does that qualify me to know what you’re doing?”

“No.”

“What if I give you a secret in return.”

“I don’t want to know any of your secrets.”

“What if I told you who I like?”

“Well, that wouldn’t matter because I already know who you like.”

“No you don’t!” exclaimed Katie, suddenly defensive.

Alya shrugged. Just because she was avoiding making friends didn’t mean that she wasn’t observant of the people around her. “I thought Liam Smoke did really good in our debate last week, don’t you?”

Katie blushed madly, understanding what Alya was hinting at. “Okay, fine. You win. Keep your secrets, it’s not like I care.” she huffed dramatically. “I don’t even know how you figured me out. I thought I was doing so good at concealing my feelings. What are you, some stalker?”

“I’m no stalker, but I am busy.”

Katie rolled her eyes. “Fine, fine. Just ignore me. You’re just using me as eye candy, that’s it. Don’t want to talk to me, but you're jealous of my perfect eyesight.”

Alya paused. “Are you trying to flex your eyesight right now? You know that’s not what eye candy means, right?”

Katie nodded. “Uh, yeah. Obviously. I was making a joke. That’s all.”

Alya laughed this time, honestly laughed. Katie was just so… Katie. The thought made her smile despite herself. She could handle having a tentative friend.

***

Calling Nino had quickly become the highlight of Alya’s day. There were so many things going on, so many feelings to juggle, that talking to Nino made her feel normal. She would never admit it, but discussing physics and algebra felt like such a regular thing to do, she couldn’t help but grin as her and Nino would fall into an easy banter, both lost on certain subjects but determined to work through it together.

“Hey there,” Said Nino, his voice sounding different today then it usually did. He sounded like he was treading carefully. “How are you doing Alya?”

Alya raised an eyebrow, skeptical as she facetimed him on her bed. “I’m doing fine, Nino.”

“Good. Good.” his voice trailed off.

“What do you need to say?”

Nino smiled, seeming relieved that she noticed something was off. “So… I’ve been spending a lot of time in court, as you know, with the Agreste trials.”

“Yeah, for Adrien.”

“Yeah,” said Nino nodding, “for Adrien. I’m sure you know that the Gorilla now has custody over Adrien and that Gabriel and Nathalie have been sentenced to life long imprisonment, with no chance of parole for twenty years.”

“I know, Nino. You told me last week.”

“Good. Well, do you know about the results from the other trial?”

“Other trial, Nino, what?” her gut sank as she finally realized what he was talking about. “No. I haven’t been following news about the Rossi scandal for obvious reasons.”

“Okay, that’s what I thought… it’s just…” he trailed off again, seeming unsure of himself.

Alya sighed. “Nino, just tell me.”

He took a deep breath, then looked directly into the camera. “Lila has been sent to a youth reform center in Italy. It’s a really nice program actually, and she will be allowed to re-enter society after she graduates.”

Alya nodded, her voice shaky. “Why are you telling me this?” she whispered, any mention of Lila causing her distress.

Nino looked at her again, his voice now steady and even. “The state of Italy and France both believe that Lila Rossi can become a better person with help. If Lila can become good, then so can you. I thought this might give you hope, and be a reminder that if people haven’t given up on Lila, then you can sure as hell bet that there are people who haven’t given up on you. You got that?”

Alya felt her eyes get watery at this statement. “Thank you, Nino” she blubbered. “I think I needed to hear that.”

“Sure thing, now, do they teach you anything about physics in Australia, because I need all the help I can get.”

Alya laughed, glad for the change in subject, and pulled out her physics notes to help him. They worked through their homework together and Alya couldn’t help but think about what Nino had said. Her mother, Nora, Katie, and Nino were all people she was sure hadn’t given up on her. Maybe one day Alya could believe in herself too.

***

Alya had discovered a couple of parks that were close to her house, they were beautiful and large, and during the day they were teeming with young families and tennis players. Alya found sometimes that she would go and wander about the park, feeling the comfort of being lost in a crowd. Of just being another person that meant nothing to those around her, it made her feel normal. It made her feel like she belonged.

As much as she liked being in the park at daytime, she regularly found herself wandering around late at night, desperately needing the fresh air and the light of the moon. Her sleep schedule was erratic, and there were nights when blankly staring out her window wasn’t enough. She needed the warm summer air in her lungs, the blood moving through her legs, she wanted to feel empty, but she didn’t want to stop feeling alive.

She was currently walking around Fawkner park at 2 am, her mind wandering as the bright moon and flickering lights illuminated her path. She could hear a group of teenagers nearby, drunk and giggling as they pushed each other around and flopped onto the grass. She ignored them, walking along the path she was on, finding comfort in the steady beat of her shoes on the pavement.

Tonight she was thinking about her book that she’d been writing. After a month of working on it, she had nearly finished her account. It was messy and all over the place, and was in severe need of revisions, but it was all written down. She couldn’t figure out how to end it though. The story had started out as a letter to Marinette, and Alya didn’t know how to end it. Her story technically wasn’t over, but she knew that she was done recording it. That part of her life felt complete, felt permanent. Like it had created things inside of her that would never change.

“It’s dangerous to be wandering alone at night,” came a voice. Alya turned to see a dark figure sitting on a park bench.

Alya studied the figure, unable to make out their features, “You are also alone.” she pointed out.

The figure moved into the light, “I have a few tricks up my sleeve to protect me.”

Alya gasped as she saw who it was. “How are you here?” she asked, her voice broken with shock as a hand flew to her mouth.

Portalbug smiled, “The horse miraculous is awfully handy.”

Alya felt tears welling in her eyes just looking at Portalbug. “Ladybug, Marinette…” she stammered out, lost at what to say. She suddenly recalled her phone call with Nora and decided that sorry was a good place to start. “I realize that I never got to say sorry. Everything happened so fast that I couldn’t talk to you and I want you to know that I never should have ignored you. I regret everything so much,” tears were streaming down her face at this point. “ If you hate me I understand.”

Portalbug’s smile dropped as she heard this, and she gestured for Alya to sit down beside her on the bench. “Look, Alya. I can’t say that what you did was easy for me, or that it didn’t hurt but this..” she vaguely gestured around, “I didn’t want any of this for you, or for your family. Sure I was upset, but you’ve lost _everything_. And…” Portalbug was crying too now, “I can’t help but think that some of it was my fault. That if my fans knew how I felt about the matter from the beginning that they wouldn’t have harassed you so much.”

Alya felt her heart swell in defense of her friend. _A foreign feeling_ , she thought to herself bitterly before focusing again on Marinette. “Girl, this isn’t your fault. I’m here as a consequence of my own actions and the actions of your fans were their choices. Not yours. I deserved it anyway.”

Portalbug looked at the scar that had formed on Alya’s arm. “No, you didn’t deserve what some of them did. And your family doesn’t deserve to leave their life behind because of some teenage drama.”

Alya looked at Portalbug, and after a moment of indecision gave her a hug. Both of them sat there with unresolved tension between them, yet they were still able to find comfort in the other’s arms. “It’s not just teenage drama, Marinette. And I’m sorry. I know it doesn’t mean anything, but I really am sorry.”

Portalbug pulled away from her hug, her expression stern and serious. “Alya, it does mean a lot to hear you say that. I’ve been talking to Nino recently and I was really worried about you.”

Marinette’s compassion never failed to amaze her. “You were worried about me? Wait, you were talking to Nino? Have you forgiven him?”

Portalbug nodded. “Yeah, I’ve forgiven Nino. I’ve forgiven you too. That doesn’t mean I trust you or am ready to be your friend again, but I still care about your well-being.”

The world seemed to stop as those words sunk in. “Forgiveness, can you imagine?” she sang softly. Her eyes became waterfalls as tears of disbelief and regret spilled down her face. Her nose was running and her eyes were blurry but she felt some part of her finally release. She still hadn’t forgiven herself, but to hear Marinette say that…

Portalbug wrapped her in another hug, unable to see someone so overcome with emotion and not provide them comfort. They sat there for a long time. The city was buzzing with late night sounds, the moon still steadily shone, and the stars above quietly watched on. It was a moment that Alya would never forget. 

"You know,” said Alya, her voice raw and soft. “I started writing you a letter, but it turned into a book. It details everything that happened and what I thought, and… I don’t even really understand why I wrote it but I couldn't figure out how to end it. I think I know now.”

Portalbug smiled. “When you finish it, I would love to read it.”

“It may be painful for you to read.”

“Healing is always painful.”

“That’s true.”

Alya pulled away from the hug, suddenly aware of what the time would be in Paris. “It must be 7:00 in Paris, don’t you have things you need to do? How are you even up this early?”

Portalbug smiled sheepishly, “Well, Nino told me you wander alone at night, and your mother may or may not have told me that tonight I could find you and talk to you without an audience. The world doesn’t need to know of the power of the horse miraculous quite yet.”

Alya nodded, embarrassed and upset that Nino and her mother had sold her out, but also incredibly grateful for the chance to have this conversation. “Thank you for coming then. It means a lot.”

Portalbug nodded. “Of course, when you finish your letter, I’ll find you.”

“You’ll find me?”

“Yeah. I’ll find you. I need to go now, but I wish you the best Alya. I truly do.”

With a flicker of light Portalbug was gone and Alya was left alone. Alya walked home and immediately pulled out her laptop, grateful to have found an ending. She had left it off at her flying to Australia, and didn’t want to write about the exchange she just had. That felt too private, and she was already sure that it would live on in her memory forever. She wrote out her ending, then climbed into her bed and pulled her covers around her. It was the best sleep she had had in a long time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -After writing last chapter, I suddenly began shipping Katie and Liam so hard. Like... what? Where did that even come from?  
> -Transitions? I don't know her.  
> -Yes, I made a Hamilton reference in a serious moment. No one has ever accused me of being a good writer.  
> -Shout out to BenRG for the Portalbug idea, I'm really sorry if I didn't do it justice!  
> -If you have any ideas, criticisms, or suggestions let me know, I would love to hear them!  
> Anyways,
> 
> Thanks for reading :)


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alya talks to Katie, Marinette, and begins her poetry unit in literature.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am going to try and update once a week, but we'll see how it goes.

Alya didn’t think she deserved all the people in her life who cared about her. Nino, Katie, her parents, Nora, and Marinette. It felt like far more than she deserved. She knew that they all wanted her to become better, to see her writing and smiling and doing things like she had been. 

Alya wasn’t sure that she could. 

She hated to make them worry though and felt guilty for being miserable. It felt like she was betraying all the people trying to help her every time she thought she didn’t deserve it, that she wasn’t worth anything. 

Alya spent most of her days wallowing in her own guilt and pretending to be better when she talked to those people who worried over her. 

In some ways, she was getting better. Her talk with Marinette had eased a part of her mind, as had being honest with herself when writing her book, and she found that she could hear Lila’s name now without tears immediately rolling down her face. 

But Marinette was a better person than Alya, and had forgiven her without knowing that she changed. Alya couldn’t forgive herself until she knew that she had changed. And it was that that wasn’t getting better. 

Alya was still struggling to believe that she was capable of change. 

Alya’s sleep schedule remained erratic, she still hardly ate at meals, and her grades at school were considerably lower than they had been in Paris. When talking to Nino, Nora, or her mother she had taken up the habit of smiling, brushing off their worries, then redirecting their attention. 

She intentionally told stories of good things that were happening at school, sharing stories of Katie and Liam’s awkward and unlikely romance while leaving out the unpleasant notes she still found in her locker. 

It felt a little manipulative, actually. 

Realizing that did little to improve Alya’s condition. 

“Hey tentative buddy,” Katie's voice came from beside her. Alya startled, having completely forgotten she was in Literature class. “Watchya thinkin about?” 

“Nothing,” came Alya’s response. Her mind fogged as she tried to recall what she was supposed to be working on. Her head was throbbing and she was having trouble focusing. She blinked hard and looked down at the worksheet in front of her. It was a literary devices review for their test that week. She tried to read the words but found she was having difficulty. Maybe she should eat and sleep a bit more. 

“Can I be honest?” Katie asked.

“Sure” 

“You look like a mess. Like the literal walking dead. Are you okay?” Katie leaned closer, examining Alya, then recoiled back. “Girl, when was the last time you took a shower?” 

Alya shrugged. “I don’t really know. I used dry shampoo this morning, if that helps anything.” 

Katie shook her head. “Alya, you need to take care of yourself, okay? Go get some sleep, eat something, and take a shower.” 

Alya nodded, her mind spinning. She hadn’t thought that things had gotten this bad, but it seemed a month of neglecting herself was finally catching up to her. “Okay. I will.” 

“Good.”

Alya turned back to her assignment and stared at the clock until the bell rang. She wobbled out of school and had to steady herself more than once. While riding home with the bright sun directly in her eyes, Alya had nearly swerved into the traffic lanes beside her. It was enough that she finally decided she should heed Katie’s advice. 

When she got home she took a long hot shower. She didn’t expect it to feel so good but as she wrung out her hair she felt considerably better. She got in some clean pajamas and slid onto her bed to facetime Nino, but fell asleep before she could. 

Alya woke up at 3 am the next morning. She had slept far longer than she thought she would, and had missed her call with Nino, skipped dinner, and hadn’t done any of her homework. 

Alya wished that she cared. 

She got dressed in some regular clothes and spent most of the morning on her computer watching tv, before finally slipping on her backpack and riding to school. She was early, earlier than usual at least, and was therefore privy to the morning bustle of Leaflin highschool. 

She tiredly took in a group of stoned kids on the grass, wondering why they bothered to come early if they were just going to be high, when something beside them caught her attention. 

There were two girls talking to Katie, their body language suggesting that they were interrogating her or accusing her. Katie kept shrinking in on herself and looked like she was about to cry. Unable to hide her curiosity and worry, Alya inched closer to hear what they were saying. 

“Katie, listen. The party won’t be that bad, you should just come. It’s honestly no big deal.” said the taller of the two. 

“I’m not comfortable going, Sandra. I’ve already told you this.” came Katie’s response. 

“God, Katie. You’re so pathetic. Just suck it up for a night and let us have fun. You’re the only one with a car who can drive us.” 

“I said that I already have plans tonight, and I’m not comfortable going. Find a different ride.” 

“Are you kidding? It’s too late now. Besides, aren’t we supposed to be friends? Just give us the keys and we’ll drop the car off at your place after we’re done.” said Sandra, looking more and more irritated. 

“No, Sandra. I already said no. I need my car tonight for the plans that I have. Just drop it.” 

Sandra scoffed. “I won’t drop it, just give us the keys. It’s not that big of a deal. Why should you ruin our night?” 

At this point Sandra was grabbing at Katie, allegedly trying to grab the keys from a pocket in her backpack. Alya watched on and realized that if Sandra wanted to, she could very easily beat Katie in a fight. 

It was time for someone to intervene. 

Alya pushed herself between Sandra and Katie, a cold, neutral expression on her face. “She said no.” 

Sandra leaned back, sizing Alya up. “We need her car tonight and if she’s too wuss to go to a college party then the least she could do is let us go. It’s what a real friend would do.” She looked at Alya again and her face sparked with recognition. “Ah, you wouldn’t know much about friends though, would you?” 

Alya took a deep breath, and kept her face frighteningly calm. “She said no. Despite being from France I understand what that word means in the English language, do you?” 

“Alya, it’s fine,” said Katie from behind her, “I can just reschedule my plans.” 

“No Katie,” said Alya, “It’s not fine.” She turned to Sandra. “Find another ride for tonight. Come on Katie, we’re leaving,” she then grabbed Katie’s wrist and dragged her inside the school, ignoring all the comments and taunts coming from Sandra. 

When they were far enough away she stopped, and saw Katie looking at her strangely. 

“Why did you help me?” she asked. 

Alya shrugged. “She looked like she was about to get physical and you seemed to be in need of assistance.” 

Katie rolled her eyes, “Sandra wouldn’t have physically hurt me. We’re friends.” 

“You and I have different definitions of friends.” responded Alya. 

“We always have. Sandra is an actual friend though, she’s just assertive, that’s all.” 

Alya looked at her straight on, “From what I saw, Sandra is a bully. I really hate bullies.” the words left her mouth and she felt herself grow surprised as she thought about them. Katie began to talk but Alya couldn’t hear her over her realization that she no longer included herself as a bully. Sometime along the past month, she had stopped classifying herself as someone who hurts others. Alya felt ashamed now. 

She hadn’t realized that she was lying to herself too. 

  


*** 

Alya had taken to wandering around Fawkner park every night. A week ago she had emailed a copy of her book to Marinette, and found herself anxiously pacing the park waiting for a chance to talk to her about it. Tonight, her chance finally arrived. 

“Hi,” said Portalbug from the bench she’d appeared at the first time. “Long time no see.” 

“No kidding,” said Alya, almost breathless as she sat on the bench beside her. “Did you read it.?” 

“I did.” 

"And?” 

Marinette turned to Alya, her large blue eyes lined with trauma. “It was honest. It was so very, very honest. It was difficult to read, actually.” 

“You didn’t have to read it.” 

“I know. But I wanted to. I understand you now, and I forgive you still. Friendship isn’t really on the table, but I want you to know that I’m sorry. Lila manipulated you and I know that hasn’t been easy to deal with.” 

Alya laughed, deciding it would be better than crying. “You have no idea. Thank you for coming tonight. I know you must be endlessly busy with everything going on with France, but it means a lot to me that you came to talk.” 

Marinette smiled sadly. “Of course, Alya. I’m afraid I have to leave soon, apparently I need sleep and energy to tackle the craziness, but it’s important that we talk.” She looked down at her yoyo and sighed. “Crap, I actually have to go back home. Adrien needs me,” she looked at Alya, “I’m sorry. I’ll text you next time before visiting, that way you can get some sleep, yeah?” 

Alya smiled. “I never thought you’d be the one telling me that.” 

“Well, things have changed.” Portalbug’s response did not hold the same light tone Alya had used. 

“That they have. Don’t let me hold you back, go to Adrien."

"Goodbye"

“Goodbye,” with a small pop, Portalbug was gone. Alya had wanted to ask her to stay longer, to say that she needed her too. But Alya was fully aware that she had lost the right to say those things a long time ago. 

***

Mrs. Smith grinned as she looked out across the class, and Alya felt her stomach drop with dread. 

She really hated it when Mrs. Smith got that look on her face. “Today, class, we will be working in pairs and practicing impromptu poetry.” The class groaned. “Trust me, this will be a really easy assignment, and is only for today before we begin our poetry unit. You and your partner will be given a theme, and will have to come up with a poem for it. It doesn’t need to rhyme or have rhythm, again, I don’t expect you to know much. This is just an assignment to help you all appreciate how difficult it is to write poetry, and to better get to know other students in the class. Your partner has already been assigned, and is posted on our class page. Go ahead and find a place with your partner to sit and await further instructions.”

Alya looked up the class page on her phone and sighed when she saw that she was paired with Liam Smoke. Of course. It was just her luck. 

He looked up from his own phone and their eyes met. He didn’t seem all that pleased either. Alya stood and walked over beside him and they sat in silence as the rest of the class paired off. 

Mrs. Smith, like usual, was beaming like a maniac. “Wonderful. Alright, just write what comes to mind and make it mean something, alright? You will have five minutes to respond to the prompt, and then you will share what you wrote with your partner, any questions?” 

Alya had several questions regarding Mrs. Smith’s sanity and teaching degrees, but elected not to share them. 

“Alright then, your first prompt is ‘cold’. Timer starts now.” 

Alya pulled out a piece of paper and began scribbling what came to mind. When the timer went off, she read over what she had. 

It was crap. 

Great. 

“You can go first,” said Liam. 

Alya sighed. “Alright, it isn’t that good though. 

_The wind across my cheeks_

_The chill against my toes_

_The shudder of my breath_

_The bite against my nose_

_The snow from clouds of gray_

_The blending of a day_

_Alone in cold I stood_

_A burning fire within"_

Liam smiled, a genuine smile. “That wasn’t half bad. You are pretty good at this. You put mine to shame.” he cleared his throat 

“ _She laughs at their childishness with her tickling breeze,_

_She shields them from the heat with cloud cover,_

_She gently protects them with a blanket of snow,_

_Even in winter nature doesn’t stop being a mother.”_

Alya grinned, “I like that! It has emotion, it has meaning,” she said, altering her voice to sound like Mrs. Smith. 

Liam laughed. “Thank you, that’s very kind of you to say. Actually, I thought of that because…” 

He was cut off by Mrs. Smith. ‘Time’s up everyone, time for the next prompt!” They moved through several other different prompts, all producing a variety of results, some better than others, before it finally came to the last one. “The bell is about to ring so make this one quick. The prompt is ‘hope’. Go.” 

Alya immediately began writing, not understanding how her poem related to the prompt, but knowing that it felt right. It was achingly familiar to the first poem she wrote, and she didn’t really know why. 

She finished early and used those extra minutes to pack up her stuff to leave. The timer was about to go off when the bell rang and the class began packing their things to go. Alya picked up her paper and left the classroom, not waiting for Katie at all. 

As she rode home she was distracted, her final poem still echoing in her mind. 

_Her hair is matted and tangled, haphazardly run through_

_Her eyes are dull and gray, having learned too many truths_

_Her clothes hang limply off her form, stress has worn her thin_

_Yet inside her heart is burning, a fire lies within_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -So.... poetry. That scene was way cooler in my head. Sorry.  
> \- I'm learning a lot writing this, but I definitely have a lot of room to improve, so sorry for any irrelevant stuff or inconsistencies.  
> Please share any ideas, suggestions, or criticisms you have, I would love to hear them!
> 
> Anyways,  
> Thanks for reading:)


	5. Good

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alya talks to Katie and her dad, then makes a decision after something happens at school.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am going to update every Wednesday!
> 
> Also, there is some violence in this chapter. It isn't graphic or anything but if you want to skip it I have it marked off with 000.

Alya sat down heavily in her chair, trying to catch her breath from running to sixth hour. Her Physics lecture had gone over and she had barely made it to class before the bell rang. She quickly pulled out her Literature binder and began filling out the warm up for the day. When it was time to share answers, she looked over at Katie and froze.

Katie had a new sticker on her water bottle. It was a sticker of Ladybug.

Alya had seen a lot of Ladybug merch and remembrances of the miraculous since moving to Australia, but to see Katie own some... It was startling, really.

Katie followed her gaze and her eyes widened, noticing what she was looking at. “Is it okay that I have that?” she asked.

Alya nodded. “Of course. Don’t worry about it.”

Katie nodded and was silent for a long moment, the chatter of the classmates around them filling up the space. “Alya,” she asked softly. “What happened?”

Alya sighed. She knew that Katie was curious, and part of her wanted to let her know. She pulled up her email on her phone and sent a copy of her book to Katie without allowing herself time to overthink it. “I just sent you something. Read it. Then you’ll know.”

***

Alya had never been so scared to go to school in her life. Sharing her book with Katie had been a snap judgement call, and now she found herself terrified that she would lose her only friend in Australia. Er, tentative friend in Australia.

Alya spent the whole day in anxious anticipation for sixth hour, and when it finally arrived she was relieved and more anxious simultaneously. Alya took her seat beside Katie. “Did you read it?” she asked.

Katie nodded, a smile on her face. “I did. Thank you for sharing.”

“What did you think?”

“I think that you need to publish it.”

Alya drew back. This was not the answer she had been expecting. “Katie, I’m an ametuer writer. Also, this is too personal to publish.”

Katie shook her head. “Alya, I don’t know if you know this, but my mom actually owns an international publishing company called Autumn Publications. I know far too much about how this sort of stuff works and you could definitely get published. You were already a recognized journalist in Paris, you are writing about a very interesting current event, and this will improve your image.”

Alya laughed. “Katie, when I asked you to read this it was so you could understand me, not so you could fix my image.”

Katie did not laugh. “Alya, I do understand you now. I understand that you were manipulated too and that you’re a kid. Yeah you were pretty mean and toxic, but you aren’t some devil reincarnate. The public doesn’t seem to understand that.”

Alya rolled her eyes. “I’m not going to publish my book. I’m not ready for that.”

Katie shook her head again. “Okay Alya, but I think you should think on it.”

Alya didn’t respond.

“Also, it is incredible that you were Rena Rouge. I can’t believe you are a superhero!”

Alya smiled sadly. “ _Was_ a superhero.”

***

Alya had made a point of spending most of her time in her room. Her family was lovely, but being a teenager coupled with her current predicament made it so Alya rarely saw her family.

Today however, was different.

Her mother was working late at a special catering event, the twins were having a sleepover with some friends, and only Alya and her father were home; someone needed to make dinner.

“Pizza?” asked Otis as Alya came down the stairs looking for food.

Alya nodded. “Pizza sounds great.”

“Okay, I’ll order a pepperoni.” Otis dialed the pizza place and gave their order, then turned to Alya, who was trying and failing to sneak back upstairs. “Come sit,” he said, gesturing to the counter.

Alya sighed and sat at the counter across from her father.

“How is school going?”

“Good.”

“That’s good.” he was quiet as an awkward tension filled the air. “I got a job at the Melbourne Zoo today.”

Alya grinned, “That’s great dad!”

He smiled. “Yeah, it is. I put in my application a month ago and today they finally hired me. Your mother and I are going out to celebrate tomorrow, so you’ll need to watch your sisters.”

Alya shrugged, genuinely happy that her father had found a place to work. “That will be fine.”

It wouldn’t be his animals that he would be working with, but at least he would be doing what he was passionate about. Alya felt some of her guilt alleviate at this.

“Great.” they were quiet again. “Your mother mentioned that you’ve been keeping in touch with Nino. How has that been going?”

“Good. Nino is the best. He is very good to me.” Otis smiled.

“Good.”

Alya couldn’t help but laugh. “We have said ‘good’ too many times in this conversation.”

Otis laughed too, “Yes, yes we have. I’m afraid I don’t know how to talk to you anymore. Things have just been…” he trailed off, his expression concerned and worried.

Alya felt her heart sink. Her dad had always been better with animals then he had been with people. In the past, their relationship had been Alya talking and sharing stories, asking questions as she carried the conversation with her strong personality. Now that she was more withdrawn… She could tell that her father wanted to connect with her, and today she was feeling brave. “Things have been off lately. I agree. But I know how to talk to you. Have you been able to meet any of the animals yet?”

Otis brightened, glad to see her contributing. “No, actually. But apparently they have a new baby giraffe named Leo. I’ll get to work with him.”

“That’s awesome! You’ll have to take lots of pictures so I can see.”

“I will. The downside of working with a baby is that I have to work really early.”

“I guess we’ll both be waking up early to deal with animals.”

Otis frowned, his brow furrowed before he caught on and laughed. His eyes crinkled as he did so and Alya felt her heart warm. “Yes, we will both be dealing with animals.”

“When do you get to start?”

“Next Monday.” And from there the conversation flowed. The pizza eventually arrived and they talked for over an hour about the animals he was going to meet and the animals he had left. They laughed as he recounted stories of his old coworkers, and he grinned as Alya tried to predict the personalities of his new coworkers and animals. It was nice. It was really nice.

It felt too nice to be real.

***

The next Monday, Alya could tell something was off the moment she walked onto school campus. She normally got strange looks when walking into school, but today there were more sideways glances than normal.

Tiredly, Alya pulled out her phone to check the news and saw a blaring new headline, “Past Victims of Rossi Come Forward.” Alya skimmed through the article and quickly gleaned that in her past schools Lila hadn’t been the most pleasant person ever.

Wonderful. Her heart sunk though, when at the end of the article it was revealed that one of Lila’s targets had committed suicide.

Oh.

Alya closed her eyes and took a deep steadying breath, preparing herself to face the day. That was a tragic accident, but it wasn’t her fault.

000

As she opened her eyes to take a step forward, she felt herself get pushed from behind. Stumbling, Alya fell to her knees and turned around to see who her attacker was. A tall, lean boy in a gray hoodie was standing over her, his eyes clouded with rage. “Did you read the article?” he asked, his words slurring together like someone who had had too much to drink.

Alya didn’t respond, fully aware that this was a dangerous situation.

“A girl comitted suicide!” he shouted, swaying from side to side, “because people like you don’t think that other lives matter!”

Alya looked warily at the crowd gathering around them, and tried not to focus on the pain in her knees. “Other people’s lives do matter.” she said softly.

“Oh really? Then why did you have to move? Why did Ladybug kick you out of the country!”

Alya didn’t know what to say because she was frankly overwhelmed with this boy. She didn’t know what would calm him down. “A girl is DEAD!” he shouted. “She comitted suicide just like my mother because people like you don’t know when to stop!” his face was dark with anger, and he blazingly took a step forward, then another. With a pained snarl on his face he began kicking her, his worn shoes hitting against her legs again and again as he shouted, “Dead!” over and over.

Terrified, Alya tried to scoot away from him on her hands but couldn’t get far enough away. She tried to stand up to run but he pushed her back on the ground. Alya looked desperately to the watching crowd for help, tears welling in her eyes, and saw a figure break through the mass. The stranger ran up to the boy kicking her and pulled him back, “Jeremy, stop it!” he shouted, dragging him farther and farther away from Alya. “This won’t help anything.”

The boy pushed back against him, but eventually collapsed against the stranger in sobs. Looking closer, Alya recognized her saviour. It was Liam.

000

Alya felt hands helping her up from behind and turned to see Katie supporting her. “We are going to the nurse’s office,” said Katie, her mouth set in a determined line. Alya nodded, tears streaming down her face from the bruises forming on her legs and stomach.

They got to the nurse’s office who helped clean her scrapes and gave her an ice pack to help with the swelling. Alya and Katie were then left on a standard cot to wait as the nurse contacted the principal and her parents.

“Alya,” came Katie’s soft voice from beside her. “Are you okay?”

Alya looked down on the bruises and scrapes running up her legs, and felt herself begin to shake as the reality of what just happened sunk in. “no.. no. I’m not okay. I.. I’m scared.”

Katie’s expression softened and she pulled her into a tight hug, shushing her and stroking her air. “Shh, Alya. It’s okay. Everything will be alright.”

Alya took the steadying deep breaths that allowed her to get through the day and shuddered, leaning further into the support of her friend. She couldn’t believe that less than a week ago she had been enjoying a pleasant conversation with her father, and today she had been attacked.

“Alya,” came Katie’s voice again, “I think you need to publish your book.”

Alya could only nod.

“Jeremy was drunk and dangerous and I don’t want something like this to happen again. There will always be idiots who blame you, but it would help your case if people understood that you are a victim too.”

Alya cringed at the word victim. “I’m hardly a victim, Katie. My actions were still my own.”

“Sandra and Arianna were expelled .” she responded.

“What?” asked Alya, confused at what Katie was saying and slightly dizzy and lightheaded with shock.

“Sandra and Arianna were expelled,” repeated Katie. “They were found using illegal drugs at the college party and Leaflin has a zero tolerance for that kind of thing. They were expelled.”

“Why are you telling me this?”

Katie smiled sadly. “Because Alya, your actions were still your own but those actions only make up a part of your life. You defended me against peer pressure and kept me away from a dangerous situation. I’m still in school because of your support. You have done good things Alya, the world just needs to know that. They need perspective.”

Alya sat quiet for a moment. “I.. I’ll think about publishing my book.”

Katie nodded. “Okay."

Alya sat there, shaking and thinking until the door to the nurse’s office burst open and her mother, Marlena, barged in.

“Alya!” She cried, running to her daughter and looking her over for injuries. “How did this happen? Are you okay?” she asked.

“I’m okay mom,” said Alya tiredly. “Can we go home?”

“Of course!” she turned to the principal who had come in behind her, “We _will_ be talking later. These types of things should not be happening on a school campus, you understand?”

The principal, Mr. Burkley, nodded. “Of course. Granted, your daughter does present us with unique circumstances.”

Alya had never seen her mother look as angry as she did in that moment. “Unique circumstances? UNIQUE CIRCUMSTANCES!” she shouted, “Nothing, and I repeat NOTHING, excuses what just happened to my daughter, you hear? Now, I will have absolutely no problem suing the school for the ASSAULT that my daughter just ENDURED! We will speak more later!” she took a deep breath then turned to her daughter. “ Now, Alya, let’s go home.”

She gently helped Alya up and walked her out of the office, leaving with a fiery glare at Mr. Burkley. Still in her crisp white restaurant uniform, Marlena heaved Alya’s bicycle into the trunk of her car then slammed the door to the driver's side, still fuming. “I can not believe that man!” she shook her head before refocusing on her daughter. “Are you okay though, sweetie? What happened?”

Alya looked down at her hands. “There was a news article released today about Lila’s past targets. Apparently one of them committed suicide and this stirred up some complicated feelings about me. J.. Jeremy I think his name was? I’m pretty sure his mother committed suicide, and he thought of me as an aggressor of this problem, so he decided to show me how he felt about that.” Alya closed her eyes against the still fresh memory.

When would things be okay again?

Marlena looked resolutely at the road ahead of her, obviously trying to stay calm while in control of a vehicle.

“That was a stupid conclusion for him to draw.”

“He was high.”

“That doesn’t make anything better.” Marlena sighed. “Alya, I’m really sorry you had to go through that.”

“It’s fine mom. I’m sorry you had to leave work to come pick me up.”

At this point they were close enough to their house that her mother pulled into the parking lot and stopped the car to give her full attention to her daughter. “Alya, listen to me. I am your mother. It is my duty and my privilege to take care of you when things like this happen. Do you understand that?”

Alya could only nod as more tears fell from her eyes.

“Good. Now, we are going to go into the house and you are going to take a shower and get in some nice clean clothes, while I get some more bandages and change out of my uniform. Then, I want us to talk. What just happened is seriously traumatic and I want to make sure you are doing okay. When we’re done, I’m going to make us some soup and we are going to watch cringy Hallmark movies until you feel better. Got it?”

Alya smiled tiredly. “Got it.” with the support of her mother, she made it up to her bathroom and took a long hot shower, then changed into some clean pajamas. When she went downstairs, her mother was in her casualwear and had two bowls of soup waiting on the counter.

“I called your father and told him what happened.” Alya nodded.

“He wants to speak with you when he gets home. Alya,” said Marlena seriously, “has this kind of thing happened at school before?”

Alya shrugged. Part of her wanted to pretend everything was okay so she wouldn’t worry her mother, but a greater part of her was terrified. Since the Rossi Scandal, this was the second time she had been attacked and she did not want it to happen again. “I… I’ve gotten quite a few mean notes in my locker. I, uh, I eat alone at lunch. And um, sometimes people will ‘accidentally’ trip me. Nothing as bad as this though.”

Marlena looked very concerned. “Oh sweetheart. I’m sorry you had to go through that. Is… are you doing okay with Australia? I know we haven’t been able to talk much and you haven’t been in the mood lately but… are things alright?”

Her mother’s voice was comforting and sincere, and Alya felt the dam break.

“Mom,” she said, her voice breaking as her mother pulled her into an embrace. “I’ve been trying to get better. I’ve gotten to talk to Marinette and Nino. I have a friend at school named Katie who’s really sweet. But everything is still so _hard_. I still feel so _broken_ inside. I… I want it all to just stop.”

Marlena sat there, gently stroking her daughter’s hair to soothe her until her tears subsided. “Alya, I think we should look into some therapy options. We probably should’ve from the very beginning, but it’s not too late now. Would you be okay with that?”

Alya nodded. “I.. I think some help would be nice.”

“Good.” Marlena pulled back and put her hands on Alya’s shoulders, making direct eye contact with her. “Alya, listen. I love you no matter what and I am incredibly proud of how hard you’ve been trying these past few months. I also want you to understand that my love is unconditional. No matter what mistakes you make I will always love you. Nothing will ever change that. Okay?”

Alya felt more tears coming. “Okay. Thank you mom.”

Marlena pulled her into another hug. “Are you ready for a cringy Hallmark movie now?”

Alya smiled wetly. “Of course.”

And so they watched a Hallmark movie.

Alya curled up next to her mother as they laughed and talked. She felt safe and warm and loved. When her dad came home he joined them on the couch, and the twins did too. They seemed to understand that something serious had happened, so they let her have the best seat at dinner and they did her chores for her after.

Alya felt loved. She felt validated. And after spending an afternoon and evening with her family, she could hardly feel the bruises anymore. But that didn’t mean that she didn’t know they were still there.

Before going to bed, Alya felt brave. So she sent Katie a text.

**I want to publish my book.**

Alya was ready for things to change.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- Things are going to change from here on out and I'm so excited to write it!  
> \- My family had a thing where we watched cringy Hallmark movies when upsetting things happened so I decided to pass on that tradition  
> -Feel free to leave any comments, suggestions, or critiques down below because I would love to hear them!
> 
> Anyways,  
> Thanks for reading :)


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alya has her book published and talks to Marinette.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shorter chapter today, sorry! I kind of got caught up in family stuff this week, but I really wanted to get this chapter done.  
> Also, I put the end of this at 10 chapters and that is what I'm hoping to complete this fic by. This is a really long fic for me, but I will persist!  
> Anyways, enjoy!

Mrs. Autumn was a dream to work with. She immediately agreed to publish Alya’s book and was incredibly helpful. She worked with Marlena and Otis to hammer out legal issues with Alya being a minor, she proofread what Alya had and helped her trim and edit it so it was more accurate and concise, and most of all she was super encouraging. Whenever Alya would come into her office to discuss something Mrs. Autumn would beam and say, “How can I help you change the world today?” Mrs. Autumn was one of the most optimistic yet logical people Alya had ever met, and simply being around her gave her confidence in her decision.

It took three months of editing, legal work, and marketing before the book was released. According to the people Alya talked to, this was incredibly fast. Alya attributed this to Mrs. Autumn’s persistence and connections, but her father liked to say that it was a sign of good things to come.

The three months before the release date went by quickly and was quite the emotional roller coaster for Alya. Having her parents read her book had been very difficult, but they had been super supportive. Through her tears her mother had wrapped her in a hug upon finishing and told her that she was sorry she had to go through that. Alya had started crying too.

In fact, Alya had been crying a lot lately. Her mother had gotten in contact with a therapist that specialized in mental health for adolescents and Alya had been meeting with her every Thursday. Therapy was… surreal? She didn’t know how else to word it. Talking through everything that had happened and how she felt about it was draining, but having a therapist validate her feelings and tell her how her brain was working, and just saying that what Alya was going through was real and was difficult... It was nice. It was really nice.

Therapy wasn’t the only thing getting better though, her school life had improved too. Alya had missed two days of school after the incident, and when she eventually went back she learned that Jeremy had been expelled and Liam had personally told most of the student body not to mess with her. Alya wanted to say it was overkill, but she was grateful that she could go to school and feel safe, albeit with a lot of staring.

When the book was finally published Alya was dumbfounded when she was handed her very own copy. It suddenly made the whole process seem so real. Immediately Alya sent copies to Nino, Nora, and Marinette and they responded very positively. That alone would have made the whole process worth it.

Those weren't the only benefits if the process though. Talking about her problems and actively making change had made her feel more confident. She found herself eating more, sleeping more regularly, and smiling more often. She even cut her hair and made sure to get dressed and do her hair each morning. Even though she would never have guessed it, Alya would say that she was doing better. She was healing.

Currently Alya was sitting on her laptop in her room, facetiming Nino. “Babe,” she said with a smile, “You can’t just put in random numbers. That’s not how the difference quotient works.”

Nino threw his hands up in the air dramatically. “How does it work then! My goal is to solve and simplify, so why does it give me three variables! How am I supposed to deal with f(x), x, and h!”

Alya laughed. “I don’t know. I think it’s time we turned to google for help.”

“Ah yes, the almighty Oracle that is Google will help us decipher these perplexities.”

“Exactly,” Alya opened a new tab and quickly found a few links that helped explain the concept. “Try these,” she said, sending them over to him.

As Nino looked over the first link Alya heard her door open and looked up to see her mother walk in. “Alya,” she said, smiling, “I just got a call from Mrs. Autumn! Over 100,000 copies of your book have been sold!”

Alya saw Nino look up from his phone in surprise, and Alya felt similarly. “Are you serious? But It’s only been two weeks!”

Marlena smiled and sat down on the bed beside her. “I know! Some of it is in part because of clever marketing by Mrs. Autumn, but it really just seems that people are interested in what you have to say.” she looked at Alya’s computer and smiled kindly, “Hello, Nino.”

“Sup Mrs. C.” he said in response.

Alya could barely hear them as she still tried to register this news. “I’m… so many people reading my book… that’s good, right?”

“Well, we don’t know what people think of it yet, but the fact that they’re reading it is a good sign.”

“Wait,” said Nino from behind the screen, "if this continues and people read her book… does that mean that you’ll be able to come back to Paris soon?”

Alya felt her breath catch at the suggestion. Going back to Paris…

“It’s too early to tell,” said Marlena, “but I think that it is definitely a possibility.” she smiled widely at the thought, then wrapped Alya in a hug. “I’m so proud of Alya. I’ll talk to you later, I just wanted to let you know now. Bye Nino.”

“Bye,” said Nino as she left the room, smiling dopily. “Did you hear that? You might get to come back to Paris!”

Alya nodded, unsure of how she felt about that prospect. “Yeah, um… difference quotient, right?”

Nino nodded, seeming to understand that she didn’t want to talk about it. “Right. Okay, there’s this one video that looks really promising. It's the second one you sent me.”

They finished their homework and Alya found herself slightly relieved when she ended the call. She wasn't quite sure that Paris was ready for her.

***

Alya sat patiently on the park bench in Fawkner park. She had gotten a text earlier that day from Marinette saying that she wanted to talk. Alya sat back on the bench, letting the cool air around her calm her. It felt nice to just be able to sit.

With a pop Portalbug appeared and smiled when she saw Alya on the bench. “Hello,” said Alya.

“Hello,” said Portalbug, taking a seat beside her. “How have you been?”

Alya smiled. “I’ve been doing better. It’s been awhile.”

Portalbug nodded. “It has.”

“Did you get the copy I sent you?”

“Yeah. Actually, that is what I wanted to talk to you about. I had Adrien read your book and he agreed that we should do a publicity statement. Get more people to read it and understand your story.”

Alya smiled. “That would be really sweet of you. I… I think I’d like it if you did that.”

Portalbug furrowed her eyebrows. “Why did you stutter?” Alya gulped, “Well, um, I’m still not exactly convinced that reading my book will improve people’s opinions of me. My therapist has pointed out that I am a victim though, and that treating the situation as such will make this whole thing easier. So yeah, promoting my book isn’t exactly easy, but I think it would be good for me.”

Portalbug smiled softly. “That makes sense. I’m happy for you, Alya. And I am more than happy to do my part to help you come home.”

Alya froze at this. “You… you want me to come back to Paris?” Alya knew Marinette had forgiven her, but to suggest that she wanted her to be in the same city again was something else entirely.

“Of course I do!” exclaimed Portalbug. “Paris is where your family belongs! You guys never deserved to be uprooted in the first place. Of course I want you guys to come back to Paris!”

Alya felt tears come to her eyes, and felt a huge part of her wilt with relief. If things went well she could go back home. The thought was liberating and gave her a seed of hope. “Thank you, Marinette. It means a lot to hear you say that.”

Portalbug smiled. “Of course, Alya. I also thought it would be a good idea for you to do a book signing or publicity statement in Paris once your book gets off the ground. Though still hectic, things have calmed down a lot back in France and I think after reading your story you will be safe back home.”

Alya nodded, her eyes still watery. “Okay. Thank you, Marinette. You’ve done so much for me.”

“It’s my pleasure,” she responded sincerely. “I need to go back to Paris now, but it is always a treat seeing you. I’m glad you’re doing better. Bye.”

With a pop Portalbug was gone and Alya was left alone on the park bench. “Bye,” she whispered into the night. She wasn’t just saying goodbye to Portalbug though. She was saying goodbye to that hopeless chapter in her life because soon, just maybe, she might get to go home.

And that was cause enough for hope.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is choppy, and I am working on that. I am learning a lot from this process, and I hope that future stories of mine will be more cohesive.   
> Anyways, please feel free to leave any ideas, suggestions, or critiques down below, I would love to read them.
> 
> Thanks for reading :)


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alya has to say goodbye and recalls a conversation she had.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter again, sorry! I've been having some technology issues this week but I think I finally got everything worked out. Anyways, enjoy!

When leaving Paris, Alya had not had the chance to have a proper goodbye. Everything had happened so quickly, that most of her friends found out she was leaving through the news, and not from Alya herself.

Leaving Australia was different. This time, there was plenty of time to say goodbye.

This time there wasn’t much of a chance that she’d be coming back.

Granted, Alya really only had two people that she was saying goodbye to, but it would be one of the more permanent goodbyes in her life.

Alya's family was packed to leave early the next morning, and all of Alya’s family was out with their newfound friends. The Melbourne Zoo was throwing an unofficial goodbye party for her father, her mother was out getting dinner with friends, the twins were spending the day with their friend group, and Alya was at a small cafe with Liam and Katie.

The whole day felt bittersweet.

Katie was sitting at the cafe right when Alya arrived, and when Liam came he quickly joined them. “Why am I here again?” he said dramatically.

Alya shrugged. “I didn’t invite him,” she turned to Katie, “did you?”

Katie groaned. “Oh please you two.”

“I remember,” said Liam dramatically (again) “I’m here because Alya thinks that since she doesn’t have school tomorrow, the rest of us don’t either.”

Alya laughed. “I’m glad you could make it.”

Liam smiled, sobering. “I wouldn’t miss it. Especially since my first impression wasn’t well, wasn’t quite the greatest.”

Alya laughed. “Oh yeah! I forgot about that. Geez, how things have changed.” A waitress then came and took their orders and when the waitress left Alya began talking again. “Mrs. Smith’s class won’t be the same without me, I’m sure.”

Katie nodded eagerly. “I know! Who will I do group projects with! I won’t have any intelligent people around me anymore!”

Liam coughed. “Uh, hello, I’m sitting right here?”

“She said _intelligent_ , Liam. That isn’t you.” Said Alya, grinning.

“I didn’t mean that!” Katie said, blushing. “It’s just that, well, you have so many other friends in that class that I doubt you’ll want to work with me.”

Liam huffed. “Of course I’ll work with you. Dealing with Cesaire over here has made me pity you. You need some better friends, really.”

Alya laughed and nudged Katie under the table while wiggling her eyebrows. Katie’s blush deepened.

From there they continued to talk about school and their experiences in the past year until their food arrived. They then asked Alya questions about Paris and her friends there, and there was lots of laughter and smiles all around. By the end of the night, Alya felt warm and happy. Liam and Katie had this energy about them that she just knew she would miss.

As it was time to go, Alya realized it was time to really say goodbye. She stood outside the cafe with Liam and Katie with her arms wrapped around herself, and she felt that she might cry. “So, um, this is it, huh?”

Liam nodded. “Yeah. You had a good run, Cesaire. I hope you do well in Paris.”

Katie nodded too, looking like she might cry. “Yeah, Alya. Text me, okay?”

“Of course.” They stood there awkwardly for a moment, then Katie ran up and wrapped Alya in a hug, tears officially streaming down her face.

“If you ever need a place to crash, there is a couch waiting for you down here.”

Alya laughed, now crying too. “That may be a little far, but the thought is appreciated.” She pulled out of the hug and turned to face her two companions. “Thank you both, for being my friends.”

“We’ll miss you.” said Liam.

Katie nodded, wiping the tears off her face. “Yeah.”

“Goodbye.” said Alya.

“Goodbye,” they both replied. They then stood and watched her as she rode off on her bike. It was nearly midnight now and Alya had an early flight in the morning. Regardless, Alya was glad to have had this night with her friends. Honestly, part of her was still surprised she had managed to make friends during this dark point in her life. The thought made her smile. Even when the world you once knew has crumbled, goodness still finds a way.

***

It had been a year since Alya had last been on a plane. A year ago, Alya had felt completely numb as she looked out the small plane windows, now she felt nervous with anticipation and anxiety. Her mother sat in the seat beside her, and took her hand comfortingly when she noticed Alya fidgeting. Alya smiled at her gratefully and tried to soothe herself. It would be okay. Everything would be okay.

Two months after her book’s publication, Marinette and the Parisian government had declared it safe for Alya and her family to return home. True to her word, Ladybug and Chat Noir had promoted her book, famously saying that “especially after the events of Hawkmoth, we hope that we can continue to count on Paris to make the distinction between a villian, and a victim.”

Over a million copies had been sold, and Alya had received invitations to speak on the same news programs that had originally covered the Rossi scandal. Alya had only accepted one, and that would be with Nadja Chamack in about a week. Yet another reason why Alya was a nervous wreck.

At least, she thought, she wasn’t worried about her safety. Two weeks before they even scheduled their flight back to Paris, Marinette and Alya had had a long talk in Fawkner park, a talk that still resounded in Alya’s mind at times.

“Alya,” had said Marinette, “before I can confidently say you should come back to Paris, I need to know everything that happened there. Who hurt you?” she looked pointedly at the scar on Alya’s arm.

Alya looked down at her arm too, noticing that the scar was now no more than a thin white line that extended from her wrist to elbow. “I don’t know. I never saw their face. After the Verdias attack I was walking home and someone pushed me from behind. I tried to catch myself with my hands, but my hand slipped on the wet sidewalk and my forearm was raked along a protruding nail. The person who pushed me told me that everything that had happened was my fault, that I deserved everything that was going to happen, and that they weren’t sorry. They then turned and ran off, leaving me alone on the street.”

Marinette gasped. “That’s horrible Alya!”

Alya could only nod, trying not to think too hard about that night, yet unable to help herself. “Do you remember that there was torrential downpour that night? I was so shaken it took me a while to get home, so I was caught out in the rain. At the time I envisioned it as the universe crying for you, Marinette. They were weeping on your behalf because of everything you had to suffer through, and for how much more difficult your life would get.”

Marinette half-laughed. “Well, they weren’t wrong. Being in the public eye is certainly very difficult, but I’ve gotten used to it, I think. In hindsight though, I’d say that the sky was weeping for you.”

“I doubt that.”

“The sky hoped it’s tears would clean you of your wounds. It was a reminder that some days blood will stain your clothes, but that too will wash away.” Marinette looked wistful as she said this, and Alya grinned.

“Who knew you could wax poetic.”

Marinette smiled softly. “I represent the Kwami of creation. I find I’m good at fixing things that are broken.” Alya understood the underlying meaning of those words as Marinette wrapped her in a hug. “Thank you for telling me what happened, I’ll talk to the police about you coming home. Goodnight, Alya.”

“Goodnight, Marinette,’” and then she was gone.

Looking out the plane window, Alya felt herself relax as she remembered that night. Marinette had forgiven her, people were going to protect her, she had friends that loved her, and her family would be beside her: she was going to be okay.

When the plane landed, Alya was nervous, but she wasn’t as anxious as before. She was ready.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I could honestly write a whole fic about Liam and Katie's romance. I won't. But I could.  
> Anyways this chapter was a little rushed (sorry) but I think I finally have the ending ironed out so, there's that!
> 
> Thank you for reading and feel free to leave any comments, suggestions, or criticisms down below.
> 
> See you next week :)


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! Regular length chapter this week! Sorry I'm posting later at night, I had everything typed out but didn't have a chance to post until late! Anyways, enjoy!

Standing at the baggage claim, Alya was scanning for her luggage when she heard the twins yell, “Nora!” spotting her generic black suitcase, Alya darted forward and grabbed it before turning to see her sister. Nora looked more confident, if that was even possible, and stood with a wide smile on her face as she wrapped the twins in a hug.

“Welcome back, kiddos.” she said. Nora then walked forward and embraced her parents before bending over to hug Alya. “How was your flight?” she asked.

Alya shrugged. “It was good,” she looked over Nora’s shoulder, hoping to catch sight of Nino who had promised to meet up with her at the airport. “He’s not here yet,” said Nora,“He texted me earlier saying he couldn’t make it” Alya sighed, then looked down at her phone at the messages that were finally streaming in. Nino was planning to meet them at their new apartment. She sighed again. She really, really wanted to see him again.

Nora laughed, her strong voice carrying through the terminal. “What are all these groans for, am I not good enough for you?”

Alya nodded, deadpan. “Yes.”

Nora laughed again, drawing the attention of those around them. “Then you should’ve stayed in Australia.”

Alya glanced nervously around at the people who were staring at them, praying that none of them recognized her. “Nora,” she said quietly, “will you keep it down? I know Ladybug made it so there wouldn’t be any press here, but all of these people have phones.”

Nora took in the genuine fear on Alya’s face and she immediately sobered. “Right, sorry.” She then hefted Alya’s suitcase onto her shoulder and walked in stride with their parents, making friendly conversation. Alya followed close behind, listening to their conversation but not really contributing.

They took a cab to their new apartment and began unpacking all their bags. Before leaving Paris they had left a storage unit with all their furniture and other house items that Nora and other family friends had unpacked into their new apartment before their arrival. The house being move in ready would probably be the easiest part of their return.

Her parents and Nora then left to pick up some food for dinner while Alya and the twins were left to finish unpacking their things. Alya was in the process of hanging up all of her clothes when she heard their doorbell ring. Alya dropped the clothes she had in hand and immediately ran to the door, throwing it open to reveal Nino standing there, a nervous smile on his face.

“Hey there.” he said, wringing his hands. Seeing him there, in person, after a year of long-distance was something she had thought of so many times, but now that she was actually here she couldn’t think of what to say. She stood there for a long moment, dumb founded, before running forward and wrapping him in a hug.

“It’s you.” she said, her voice breathless. “Its really you.” She felt Nino relax into her and hug her back, and they stood there in the hallway, both afraid that the other would disappear if they simply let go.

Eventually, Nino did pull back and took her hand, leading her into the apartment so they wouldn’t be out in the hall anymore. “I missed you.” he said.

“I missed you too.” she replied.

“Calling you everyday was great, but seeing you in person…” he trailed off, getting nervous again.

Alya grinned. “I know. Meeting in person is very different. Over the phone I can’t do this,” she then leaned forward and kissed him.

Nino smiled. “Exactly.” They walked further into the kitchen and sat down. Alya sat right beside him, afraid to let go of his hand despite the knowledge that he wouldn’t be leaving anytime soon. “How do you like the apartment?” he asked, having been one of the people who moved in all of their furniture.

Alya smiled. “It’s great. It’s not our other one, but I’m sure we’ll be able to make it our home. My room is a decent size too, though my reception isn’t the greatest in there.”

“That’s a shame, dude. If you want, you can always hang at my place. We have great internet.”

Alya grinned. “I’ll take you up on that. Other than the internet thing, the apartment is really nice. It’s really close to school too, so I won’t have to walk as far. And, and!” she said excitedly, “I have my own little balcony! It is super tiny, but the aesthetic is still there!”

Nino laughed. “Wonderful, you and Marinette will match now.”

Alya nodded. “I suppose we will. I’m actually planning to meet up with her tomorrow to go over my interview with Nadja Chamack on Friday, as well as details concerning my book signing in a couple of weeks.”

“Wow, I didn’t realize Marinette was your agent.”

Alya laughed, “I suppose so. She’ll have to fight with Katie on that one though.” Alya’s smile slipped at the mention of Katie, and Nino squeezed her hand reassuringly.

“You okay, dude?”

Alya looked into Nino’s eyes then at his hand in hers before smiling. “I’m wonderful.”

Nino blushed, then Alya smiled. Her parents soon came home and they all ate dinner, talking and laughing and making a mess. The twins went to sleep, Nora went home, and soon Alya’s parents went to sleep too. Then it was just Alya and Nino and they watched a movie, snuggled together. Nino went home, then Alya went to bed too.

He blushed, she smiled.

It was just like old times.

***

“Don’t be bemused, it's just the news,” said Nadja Chamack, wearing her signature television smile. “Hello Paris, today we have a very special guest. Author Alya Cesaire a leading figure in the Rossi Scandal is with me today to answer some questions about her book, _Blinded by Beautiful Lies_ which was released two months ago.”

Alya smiled at the camera, her whole body tingling with nerves and her hands slick with sweat. Despite her long discussion with Marinette a few days previous, she did not feel ready for this. This would be good publicity though, so she needed to pull herself together. Channeling the charisma of the part of her that had debated all those months ago, Alya put on her own television smile. “Thank you Mrs. Chamack, it’s an honor to be here today.”

Nadja grinned. “Of course, dear. Alright, my first question for you is about your book. What inspired you to write it? And what motivated you to publish it?”

“A lot of people actually. My sister is the one who got me to put pen to paper, but my friends, family, and boyfriend all played a critical role in convincing me to publish it.”

Nadja nodded. “Great. What is your book about?”

Alya smiled wider, hoping the sweat forming on her forehead wouldn’t be visible to the cameras. “My book is about my role in the Rossi Scandal and with the miraculous. It is an autobiography of that chapter of my life.”

Nadja nodded again. “Great. I personally have read your book, and I found it very interesting. I have a couple more questions for you.” Nadja then asked Alya more questions concerning her book, all of which were purely informational and easy to answer. Alya was incredibly grateful that Marinette had talked with Nadja beforehand about asking personal questions. That was likely the only reason the interview was going as well as it was.

“I have one final question for you tonight,” said Nadja, shuffling her papers and neatly setting them off to the side. “What would you tell you past self knowing what you know now.”

Alya furrowed her brows as she thought, “Pre-Verdias?” she asked.

Nadja shrugged. “Before or after. You decide.”

Alya nodded. “Okay then. I would want to talk to my post-Verdias self, because before that I doubt I would’ve been the best listener.” this earned a laugh from Nadja. "I would tell my post-Verdias self that everything would be okay. That even though your world has crumbled, you still have people who will lift you out of the darkness. I’d tell her that this is not the end. Some days, you’ll surprise yourself with your strength and with courage that you thought was long gone. This one mistake you’ve made, it doesn’t define who you are. Yes, right now it seems like you are broken, but you are also brave, smart, and beautiful. You are worthy of being loved. Never forget that.” Alya’s eyes were misty as she finished and it took her a moment to remember where she was.

Nadja’s smile had lost some of its commercialization and looked smaller, yet more genuine and soft. “That’s a beautiful answer Ms. Cesaire. We are out of time now, but it has been a pleasure having you tonight, and I thank you for agreeing to this interview.”

Alya smiled in return, “Thank you for having me Mrs. Chamack.” She then stood to leave and the cameras cut off to play a commercial break. Alya retrieved her purse from the sofa she had been sitting on and looked to see Marinette and Nino walking up to her. They had both insisted on coming and she was grateful they did. She still felt a little shaky from being on live television after all these months and was glad to have their support, even if she couldn’t see them during the actual interview. “How did I do?” she asked

Nino grinned. “Amazing. That last question was killer.”

Alya smiled. “Thanks babe. What about you, Marinette?”

Wordlessly, Marinette wrapped Alya in a big hug. “You were amazing. I’m so glad to have you back home.”

Looking around at the bustling set teeming with energy and information, Alya grinned, taking Nino’s hand in hers.

“It’s good to be back.”

***

Three weeks after the interview it was time for the book signing. Marinette had scheduled it in one of Paris’ convention centers, and Alya was a bundle of complex emotions as she walked in the doors. Marinette led her over to a table in one of the event areas, and Alya felt like laughing and crying at the same time. For one, it had been a dream of hers for the longest time to be a recognized author. She had often imagined sitting in the spot she was in now, signing books that she had written that challenged a person’s thinking yet still deeply mattered to them.

And here she was.

In some ways, she had done that. Yet to gain the material she had written about, it came at such a great personal cost that it almost didn’t feel worth it. Hence, the desire to laugh and cry simultaneously.

Alya took her seat and exhaled to calm her nerves, glad to have both Marinette and Nino with her.

“There should be a lot of people coming within the next hour,” said Marinette, who was frantically running over all of her schedules and plans. “Adrien posted about it on social media, I did too, and we have had promotions for this going since last month, even before you were big.”

Alya rolled her eyes at this. “I’m hardly big at this point. If anyone comes it will just be to see you.”

Marinette shrugged. “At least they’re coming.”

Nino sat beside her and squeezed her hand reassuringly. “Don’t worry babe, lots of people will come and they’ll all be super friendly. Just you wait.”

Alya smiled at him, then frowned as Marinette went over to talk to an event coordinator. “We should really have someone else managing all of my stuff. She has enough on her plate.”

“You’re probably right. Normally I think your publisher would help with some of this, but seeing as how she lives in Australia we should look into getting you an agent.”

Alya smirked. “Gosh, that sounds so professional.”

Nino smiled. “Have I told you that I’m proud of you?”

“Not yet, I don’t think.”

“Well, I’m really, really proud of you Als. You’re doing great and today will prove that.”

Marinette walked back over to them, “Okay, they are opening the doors right now. You all set?”

Alya nodded, pen in hand.

“Great. Let's do this.”

Eight thousand people came to Alya’s book signing. It only lasted for two hours so they had to turn away some three thousand people.

It was insane.

Alya had been right in that a lot of people only came for the chance of seeing Marinette or Adrien, but there were some people who came because they simply liked the book and wanted to show Alya how much it meant to them. There were a couple people in particular that made Alya want to cry even thinking about their genuine and sincere compliments. One girl, younger than Alya and only twelve years old, had handed Alya a copy of her book with hands shaky from nerves.

“What’s your name?” asked Alya kindly as she opened up the cover.

“Ma..Margaret.”

“It’s nice to meet you Margaret. Thank you for…” Alya had had to stop as she looked inside the cover. On this girl’s copy the words _brave, broken, and beautiful_ were written in calligraphy over and over again. The girl folded her arms in on herself and turned her wrist to reveal scars up her arm.

“I um, I wanted to thank you for saving my life. Reading everything you went through and then hearing your interview gave me hope for my future and gave me the courage to ask for help. I, um, I’m getting therapy now and my parents know about everything that’s been going on. I just, thank you.”

Alya’s expression froze hearing this, then broke into a soft smile. “I’m glad you are getting the help you need. That bravery was all you though, never forget that.” she then signed the girl’s book and moved on to the next person, amazed that she had the power to change someone’s life.

When the book signing was finally over, Alya was exhausted. She had met with so many people, most of which were nice, a few of which were not. It didn’t matter though, because the fact that she had changed someone’s life, made it better, made Alya realize something incredibly important.

She was good. She was a good person. Flawed yes, but good all the same.

Later that night she would recall Margaret’s words then whisper to noone in particular, “I’m not a monster anymore.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please feel free to leave any ideas, suggestions or critiques down below, I would love to read them!  
> Anyways,  
> Thanks for reading :)


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alya meets up with some friends then takes a trip to an unexpected location.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you all have a great day! Enjoy!

True to her word, Alya and her parents found her an agent a few weeks after the book signing. Marinette was chronically overworked, and though she would never admit it she was reaching the end of the line when it came to all of the events she needed to manage. It was a welcome relief and the Dupain Cheng family and friends were grateful to see Marinette’s burden be lightened, if only slightly.

Alya’s agent’s name was Julia Carter yet Nino and Alya would often refer to her as Agent Carter. She didn’t mind and appreciated the reference, even if it was nothing original.

Mrs. Carter arranged for several more book signings and promotions with news networks, though none of them were as popular as the one that featured Marinette and Adrien. Regardless, it was amazing for Alya to reconnect with Paris, and she was still floored everytime someone approached her telling her that she had made a difference in their lives. It felt like a dream at times.

Obviously though, her arrival back at Paris was widely known, and eventually Alya decided she was ready to meet up with some of her old classmates. She didn’t want to meet up with them all at once though, so she arranged to meet up with Rose, Juleka, and Nathaniel just at first. They had also faced the brunt of Lila’s manipulation, and after a week of planning, Alya and Nino arrived at the designated park to meet up with their past classmates.

Immediately upon her arrival, Rose squealed and sprinted towards Alya. “Yay!” she cried, jumping up and down, “you’re back! And you’re okay! And everything’s better now!”

Alya winced at that notion, but still smiled all the same. “Thanks Rose, it's good to see you.”

Rose nodded. “How was Australia? Did you love it there? Did you see any kangaroos? Do you have an Aussie accent now?”

Juleka came up behind Rose and put a hand on her shoulder. “Easy there,” she said, smiling gently. “Give Alya some space.” She smiled at Alya “Welcome back by the way. We watched your interview with Nadja Chamack and we were very impressed.”

Nathaniel, who appeared seemingly out of nowhere nodded his head in agreement, the movement shifting his hair briefly out of his eyes. “Yeah. That was awesome.”

Nino beamed. “She’s the best.”

Alya blushed, “Geez, thanks guys. It was a really cool experience.”

“Do you want to sit?” interjected Rose, eagerly (per usual), “We brought supplies for a picnic if you haven’t eaten!”

“We haven’t eaten, that sounds great.” responded Alya.

As a group, they all moved to the large floral blanket that Rose had prepared and took a seat, Rose chattering the whole way. “Since you left so much has changed! Me and Juleka are dating you know, and so is Nathaniel and Chloe!”

Alya was surprised at the second statement. “Really?” she asked, turning to Nathaniel.

Nathaniel nodded, an embarrassed blush on his face. “Yeah, she’s kind of mean, but after Lila I really appreciated her brutal honesty. She’s working a lot harder to be better too, especially after Marinette was revealed as Ladybug. I like to think I’m helping her grow.”

Alya grinned, “That’s great! I think that’s the most I’ve ever heard you talk too!”

Nathaniel laughed. “Probably. We never were really close though. The only time we spent together was with Lila, and she didn’t leave much room for talking”

“Hah, true.” responded Alya.

“She was kind of the worst, that one.” said Nino.

Juleka nodded, and Rose nodded too. “She really was.”

This then led to them all swappinf stories of Lila and how she had affected their past year. Alya shared stories from Australia, Rose talked about her experience as Verdias and what caused it, and they just generally validated and discussed their experiences under Lila’s thumb. It was so refreshing to be able to talk about this horrible experience with people who understood.

Alya had never been particularly close with these three, but on that sunny afternoon under a cloudless sky, Alya related and connected with them more then she ever had before. They laughed, they cried, and they hugged. But more importantly, at least to them, they were honest. Something they found especially valuable after their shared experiences.

When all the food was gone and it was time for dinner, the group split and went their separate ways. Nino decided to walk Alya home, and they were both enjoying the soft glow of dusk when Alya’s phone began ringing with a call from Mrs. Carter. “Hello, Agent Carter.” said Alya cheerfully.

“Hey, Alya. I got an exciting email today. Apparently there was an offer for a book signing at another event center.”

Alya smiled. “Cool, where is it?”

“Italy.”

Alya froze, stopping both her and Nino in their tracks.

“Italy?”

“Yeah. You have a surprisingly large following there. It’s in Florence and the convention center is allegedly really beautiful. I already talked to your parents and they gave me the go ahead. If you want to go, we can have you on a plane by Friday.”

Alya was struggling to wrap her head around all of this. “Florence? Isn’t that where the youth reform center is? Where Lila is staying?”

Nino looked concerned hearing this. “What is she saying about Florence? Are you going to Italy?”

“That’s correct,” said Mrs. Carter from the phone. “You wouldn’t see her at all though, unless you wanted to. Are you in or not? You have until tomorrow night to decide.”

“Okay, give me a second.” Alya covered her phone speaker and turned to Nino, eyes wide. “Carter wants me to go to Italy for a book signing on Friday.”

Nino beamed, “That’s awesome! You should definitely go!”

Alya bit at her lip, slightly worried. “That’s… I don’t know…”

“Take it! Going international is awesome.”

“Technically Paris is international since my book was published in Australia, but I see your point.” she hesitated, thinking it over. “ I’ll go. I’ve always wanted to go to Italy.” Removing her hand from the speaker, Alya smiled. “I’m in.”

“Are you sure? You can have more time to think if you want.”

“No, I already know. It will be a good experience and I’d be honored to meet with the people there if they want to see me.”

“Okay. That’s it kiddo. I’ll talk to you tomorrow. Bye.”

“Bye.” with a click Alya hung up. “I’m going to Italy.” she said, slightly breathless at the thought.

Nino smiled. “You’re going to Italy. Are you going to see Lila at all?”

Alya shook her head. “No. Only if I want to.”

Nino nodded, then paused before asking “Do you want to?”

Alya drew back, surprised at the question then considered it. So many things had changed since she had last seen Lila, it would be wild to see her again.

Alya turned to face the sunset and watched as the last rays of sun faded behind the horizon, a million thoughts running through her head. “I never thought I’d say this, but I think so.”

***

Agent Carter had been right when saying that the Florence convention center was beautiful. It was one of the best Alya had been at, and both of her parents agreed with her when she mentioned this. The people there had been especially sweet, and Alya had even gotten recognized twice while doing touristy things with her parents and the twins.

After three days in Florence, it was time to visit Lila.

After her initial agreement to the meeting, Alya had thought over visiting Lila for a long time, and eventually decided that it was the right decision. Alya was emotionally at a different stage now, and she was a different person too. However, seeing Lila and talking about some things still felt important and helpful. Not necessary, but helpful nonetheless.

So, here she was. The youth reform center wasn’t too far from the city, and it looked to be a nice enough venue. Alya had scheduled ahead, and had been significantly surprised when Lila agreed to meet her.

Taking a deep breath, Alya walked into the building with her parents in tow. They checked in at the front desk and were told that her parents and one of the reform’s deans would be outside the whole time, and that their conversation would be recorded. That was all fine with her. Alya was then led to a small room where their meeting would take place. The room was mostly used to host extracurriculars, but it doubled as a visiting site.

Opening the door, Alya was taken aback when she first saw Lila. Her strange sausage haircut was replaced with a short bob, her olive brown skin had lost some of its pallor, and her frame looked thin and weary. Upon Alya’s entrance, a wide smile stretched across her face, one that retained all of its false sugar from long ago.

“Alya!” she cried, “It’s so nice of you to come see me. It’s been some time!”

Alya nodded. Taking a seat at one of the metal chairs across from Lila. “It has been some time. How have you been?”

“Oh me? Fantastic! I’m doing photography and theater, and I’m even enrolled in some college classes. Already, I know right? I guess I am pretty clever after all.” Lila’s voice was just too high, her smile too bright, and her eyes too cheery. Alya could tell that it was paining Lila for her to see her like this, so she was pretending.

Well, at least that wasn’t new.

“That’s great, Lila. I don’t think anyone has ever doubted that you are clever.”

Lila’s eyes sparkled. “Oh yes. My joke last year was pretty clever. It was a very smart and well thought out prank, wasn’t it?”

Alya frowned. “What are you talking about?”

Lila’s face turned into a pout. “Don’t say you don’t remember! Last year, when I pretended to know all those celebrities, and joked with Marinette? Surely you remember that?”

Alya sighed. “Lila. You aren’t fooling anyone. That wasn’t a joke and it seriously hurt people. Do you know what I said to Marinette? Because of you?”

Lila’s smile slipped, and her eyes caught a darker twinkle. “Oh, Alya dear. My correction therapist has told me that other people aren’t responsible for my actions. I suppose that means that my actions aren’t responsible for you deciding to ruin your friendship with Marinette. That was all you. How about a little accountability, okay?”

Alya was about to respond to this, but she stopped herself. “Lila, I’m not here to fight about the past. I genuinely cared about you, and I care about you now, despite everything that happened. I hope that you are actually doing things you love, and that you can begin to heal, like I have.”

Lila rolled her eyes, scoffing at the thought. “Is that really what you came here to say? That’s pathetic Alya. I think you know that. You’re more of a liar than I am.”

Alya smiled. “No, that’s not all I came to say. I also wanted to say,” Alya stood to leave, gathering her things, “that I forgive you Lila. I forgive you for everything. I truly hope things work out for you.” With that, Alya left the room, not even seeing the shocked look on Lila’s face, and never knowing of the stray tear that would slip from her eyes years later, when she finally understood the weight of what Alya had done that day.

No, Alya would be witness to none of that because she left the room, proud of herself.

She had forgiven Lila, and she had meant it.

It was high time to let go of the anger that had haunted her, just like she had let go of her guilt and regret.

As Alya boarded the plane back to Paris, she smiled to herself. It felt official now. She had moved on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -I love the Captain America movie (the original) sooo much!  
> -Also, I am ChloNath trash. I don't know why but I find them so cute!!!  
> \- The way I portrayed Lila isn't my favorite, but I know her being sick is kinda controversial so I tried to lean away from that. I was definitely tempted to make her crazy though xD.  
> -Feel free to leave any comments or critiques down below, I'd love to hear them!  
> Anyways,  
> Thanks for reading :)


	10. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! I'm very sorry it took me so long to update, I just didn't know how I wanted this to end. I've known since the beginning I wanted an epilogue, but I didn't know what to include. It's not perfect, but it feels complete to me. Anyways, enjoy!

“Don’t be bemused, it’s just the news! Today we have special guest star Alya Cesaire with us. It’s a pleasure to have you here Alya. I know you were an intern for my mother back in the day, and you are no stranger to the show. It’s a huge honor to be able to have you here to discuss your career before you go into retirement.”

Alya smiled at Manon, “Manon, don’t pretend like I’m just here because of your mother. You have been good to me over the years. I couldn’t imagine having my last hurrah anywhere else.”

Manon beamed, clearly pleased with the compliment. “Thank you. Anyways, there is a lot for us to talk about. You have written several successful books, have a famous blog, you have worked with the United Nations several times to help with Miraculous regulations and uses, and you have been a very public figure in general these last 60 years among so much more. My first question is, why are you retiring and what will it look like for you?”

Alya smiled to herself, hearing her accomplishments rattled off like that reminded her why she was retiring in the first place. “I’m tired, for one. I love my work, but I also love sleep and privacy. I plan on retiring to a small cottage in the country with my husband. We will visit our grandchildren, maybe do some traveling, but mostly spend time with each other. Gardening, cooking, going on walks, heck, I might even take up knitting.”

Manon laughed at this last bit. “That seems like a very dreamy retirement. Are you sure you won’t miss your fan base?”

Alya nodded, “Of course I will, but I have less of an official ‘fanbase’ and more just people who respect my opinion and care about what I have to say. I have loved being a public figure for all my life, and I think to some extent I will continue to be so. But I am ready to stop focusing on the world, and I want to focus these last ten years or so of my life on my family and on myself. I have two kids and five grandchildren who need lots of love from me. I’m ready to give them and my husband all of my time. I’m only sorry it took this long.”

Manon smiled softly. “Well, I can’t argue with that.” she looked down at her prepared questions briefly before continuing. “So, Mrs. Cesaire, what would you say was your biggest accomplishment in your career and in your life? What moment made you the most excited and proud?”

Alya thought for a moment, several instances running through her head. “Ah, I don’t know. When I got to speak at the UN that was huge for me, but I’ve met so many important people and spoken at so many important events. Gah, I don’t know what to say!

In my life though, it would easily be mine and Nino’s 50th wedding anniversary last year. Me and Nino have had a beautiful marriage, and at the party we hosted it was amazing to see my kids, grandchildren, and friends all gathered together. Seeing all the people in my life and the relationships I’ve had is definitely my greatest accomplishment. Even though I’m not perfect, the fact that I’m a good friend, mother, and partner is what I am most proud of.”

“I was at that party. You have a wonderful family, Alya.”

Alya smiled, “Thank you Manon.”

Manon smiled in return, clearly enjoying having Alya here on her show.

They were old friends after all.

“As much as I would like to make this go on, we only have so much time so I have one final question for you. Seeing as how this is the end of your writing career, as of now, I would like to consider your beginnings. You have had several successful books, but the one that launched your career was _Blinded by Beautiful Lies_. You wrote this after the Rossi Scandal and it became a bestseller very quickly. I know this question is vague, but what does this book mean to you now, 60 years later?”

Alya leaned back in her chair, then ran a hand through her gray hair. It had been a long time since she had thought about that book. “Well Manon, this question has certainly caught me off guard. My, I haven’t thought about that book in a long time. All I can think about is all that has changed, and all that hasn’t too, I guess.”

Manon lifted an eyebrow. “Go on.”

Alya shook her head at herself. “That was painfully generic, but since then I have changed in that I am more confident, I am surrounded by people I trust, and I am more focused on doing good for others rather than just for me.

At 16 years old I was just a girl. I was insecure, I had just come out of a scandal, and I had recently moved to a new country. I remember sitting on my flight to Australia and thinking that my life had shattered. In some ways, it had only just begun.” Alya smiled at the thought. “Due to my line of work, I have encountered many scandals over the years, but this was my first one and I was very young. Thinking back on that time though, it never fails to amaze me that so many people came out and supported me. Whether it was a small smile, a phone call, or a walk in a park at night there were still people who cared about me even when I was at my lowest. I like to think that’s not unique to me though. When you find that you are most broken, you will realize that you are not alone.”

Alya laughed. “I guess, despite my ramblings, that is what the book means to me. It is the first message that I wanted to share with the world. Even if you are broken, even if you are a monster, you are not alone. I still believe in that message today.”

Manon’s eyes were soft as she stared at her friend. “That’s a wonderful message to share. I’m afraid that’s all the time we have for you today Alya, but I must thank you for coming onto our show one last time and I wish you the best of retirements.”

"It was an honor to be here."

The cameras turned off and Alya slowly rose to her feet. Manon came forward and wrapped her in a hug.

“You’ve had a good run.” she said.

Alya smiled fondly. “Yeah, I have.”

“Maybe I should follow suit and join you in retirement.”

Alya laughed. “You should. You deserve it.”

Manon nodded. “I have to go talk with Kent over some things, but it was amazing seeing you. Stay in touch, alright? You’ll have internet in that cottage of yours?”

Alya grinned, “Of course. Goodbye Manon.”

“Bye Alya. Take care.”

Alya grabbed her purse and wobbled off the stage where Nino was waiting for her.

“You good?” he asked, his wrinkled hands clutching a worn baseball cap.

Alya grinned. “I am. I’m excited for retirement with you.”

Nino nodded. “I’m afraid I won’t be terribly exciting. I’m rather old you know.”

Alya shrugged. “No matter. The older you are the sooner I can collect your life insurance.”

Nino laughed. “Ah yes. The real reason you married me comes out. Fifty one years later.”

Alya laughed, then paused as they stood at the doorway exiting the studio. “This is it Nino. The second I walk out this door, it’s officially over. It will be the last time I ever leave a news station.”

Nino’s eyebrows furrowed with concern, and he gently took her hand in his. “Hey, are you alright?”

Alya took a deep breath and subtly pushed her glasses up her nose. “I think I am. It just feels strange to be saying goodbye. This has been my life’s work for so long”

“You’ve had a long career. I am proud of you. _They_ would be proud of you.”

Alya looked down at the small Ladybug and Chat Noir pendant she had pinned to her blazer. “Yeah. I think they would be.”

Alya felt tears begin to form in her eyes, and she took a moment to analyze what they were. They weren’t sad, no, more nostalgic for something she had known so long. There were also traces of grief from an accident that had happened long ago, as well as hope for what was to come.

Squeezing Nino’s hand, she took a step outside the doorway.

“Are you ready?” he asked.

Alya smiled, it was a messy smile, full of messy emotions, but she was sincere when she said:

“Yes.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's done! This is my longest fic ever and I have certainly learned a lot writing it. Thank you to everyone who has left comments and kudos, you really encouraged me when I wanted to stop writing. Leave any ideas or comments below, I would love to read them.
> 
> Anyways, thanks for reading:)


End file.
